My Story

by Emily

November 16, 2021

I don’t know what the consequences of sharing my story will be. I’m scared. But for reasons I can’t quite articulate, when I saw that the 6 week abortion ban was passed this week in Texas, I immediately felt compelled to share something I thought I would take to my grave.

On February 20th, 2020, I found out I was pregnant. I have been on the same pill since I was 17. I never had a pregnancy scare. I had no idea how this could have happened.

Despite being scared, I was happy. I was excited. I had butterflies. I had always wanted to be a mom. I’d developed baby fever after being in a relationship with someone for almost 7 years and becoming attached to their children.

My ex (then boyfriend) didn’t want to have the baby. I was devastated. I was heartbroken. I was sick. I knew that our relationship would not survive this.

I owe my life to Planned Parenthood. I have always been fiercely pro-choice. I had always been an outspoken advocate for a cohort of people that I never in 10 lifetimes thought I would be a part of.

Not only did I have privilege of access, I had the privilege of options. There is a planned parenthood in almost every city in the capital region. I cannot articulate just how SAFE I felt every time I walked into PP. Every single staff member was so warm and compassionate. I have never felt so secure in a provider’s office.

I had an ultrasound at my first appointment. The nurse looked confused and went to get the NP. I was told that there was no yolk sack and no heartbeat. I was told “don’t be surprised if you start bleeding”. I was scheduled for a D&C for Friday the 13th.

I had another ultrasound done the day of my procedure to confirm that there was no heartbeat. The doctor said “we will diagnose this as a D&C”. The doctor, nurse, anesthesiologist were so warm and compassionate. The doctor asked me if a medical student could sit in on the procedure so she could learn to perform it one day. For the first time in a long time, I experienced the feeling of hope.

There were other girls that day in the recovery room. We were all tired and nauseas from anesthesia, sore, scared, quiet, safe.

I don’t know what the consequences of this post will be. I just want anyone out there to know that has gone through or is going through this, I love you. I am you. I’m here for you. I will hold you. I will take you to planned parenthood. I will be outspoken in hopes that you feel seen and validated.

The reality of women not having access to safe abortion is a nightmare we’re trying desperately to wake up from. I don’t care how you feel about abortion, or me. You will never convince me that women don’t have the right to their own bodily autonomy. You will never convince me that forcing people into systematic poverty, oppression, and trauma is pro-life.

1in4 women will have an abortion in their lifetime. #youknowme

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!