My story.

by -J.L

February 3, 2020

I had just given birth my son the the beginning of 2019.  Months later I find out I am 22 weeks and 6 days pregnant. As soon as I found out I cried, I was not ready to give birth again , when I developed PPD after my first. I was not mentally / emotionally ready to bring another life into this world so I had to put myself first. I was given a list of hospitals who could perform the procedure I needed. The next day I was making so many phone calls , leaving voicemails , so many appt were taken. Stressing bc I only have so much time to get this done. Hours later I finally got a call back and I got lucky enough to get an appointment (2 day). As sad as I felt knowing this is happening I know it is what’s right and is what needs to be done. Days passed and my first appointment is here (out of 2).

I am nervous, overwhelmed not knowing what I am walking into, because you know abortions happen but you don’t think you’re going to be the one getting one. I felt safe and comfortable. I had someone to talk to about my choice and to hear her understand me was a relief that I needed because I was emotionally overwhelmed. Hours pass and they’re getting me ready to start my first part of the procedure and Im as relaxed thanks to a pill that they gave me. An hour goes by and it’s done. I stay for an hour to rest and waiting to get picked up.

The next day …my procedure day. I wait to be let into the clinic and as soon as I walked in I was already being changed and waiting to get my IV put in. 1.5 hrs later I get my IV .. 30 minutes later it is my turn to go in and I am a nervous wreck because I am scared due to me hemorrhaging since I am anemic. I panicked before they put me down but she was there, she helped me and reassured me I will be okay and she will be here holding my hand.  Seconds passed and it gets blurry and I’m out … I lost so much blood and had trouble breathing so they had to put a tube down my throat.  I woke up crying, in pain. I woke up wanting one person there but since only certain people can be in there I had nurses by my side. I felt guilt, sadness, emptiness, grief but it felt wrong for me to have grief bc I chose this… hours pass by I get to go home and As I’m in the car I broke down because as much as I’m sad I felt so much relief and again that felt wrong.. Every person has different feelings, reactions with their abortion story and that’s totally okay. Mines was sad and a relief at the same time for me. We all just need to be there for each other and support another.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!