I had just given birth my son the the beginning of 2019.  Months later I find out I am 22 weeks and 6 days pregnant. As soon as I found out I cried, I was not ready to give birth again , when I developed PPD after my first. I was not mentally / emotionally ready to bring another life into this world so I had to put myself first. I was given a list of hospitals who could perform the procedure I needed. The next day I was making so many phone calls , leaving voicemails , so many appt were taken. Stressing bc I only have so much time to get this done. Hours later I finally got a call back and I got lucky enough to get an appointment (2 day). As sad as I felt knowing this is happening I know it is what’s right and is what needs to be done. Days passed and my first appointment is here (out of 2).

I am nervous, overwhelmed not knowing what I am walking into, because you know abortions happen but you don’t think you’re going to be the one getting one. I felt safe and comfortable. I had someone to talk to about my choice and to hear her understand me was a relief that I needed because I was emotionally overwhelmed. Hours pass and they’re getting me ready to start my first part of the procedure and Im as relaxed thanks to a pill that they gave me. An hour goes by and it’s done. I stay for an hour to rest and waiting to get picked up.

The next day …my procedure day. I wait to be let into the clinic and as soon as I walked in I was already being changed and waiting to get my IV put in. 1.5 hrs later I get my IV .. 30 minutes later it is my turn to go in and I am a nervous wreck because I am scared due to me hemorrhaging since I am anemic. I panicked before they put me down but she was there, she helped me and reassured me I will be okay and she will be here holding my hand.  Seconds passed and it gets blurry and I’m out … I lost so much blood and had trouble breathing so they had to put a tube down my throat.  I woke up crying, in pain. I woke up wanting one person there but since only certain people can be in there I had nurses by my side. I felt guilt, sadness, emptiness, grief but it felt wrong for me to have grief bc I chose this… hours pass by I get to go home and As I’m in the car I broke down because as much as I’m sad I felt so much relief and again that felt wrong.. Every person has different feelings, reactions with their abortion story and that’s totally okay. Mines was sad and a relief at the same time for me. We all just need to be there for each other and support another.