I had an abortion this Friday on October 18th 2019. For me, it was a relatively easy choice. I’m 23, in a new relationship, my birth control shot failed me, and I just started my dream career that would be impossible with a child at this point. In this decision I had little support. I had my mother and best friend. My now ex boyfriend and his family were very against it, I was called a murderer, selfish, every name you can think of. His family hated me for being black. My ex boyfriend also didn’t want a kid at the time, he was just about to get out of the military and thought he’d need to re-enlist when he didn’t want to. I was also having serious doubts about my relationship, he just wasn’t the man for me and I didn’t want a child with a man that I’ve only been with for 3 months. Nothing wrong with that.
So I called a clinic called “A Preferred Women’s Health Center” they set up an appointment with me, I had a consultation, bloodwork, of course an ultrasound, (they ask if you want to see it or not) and even more consultations. This place was nothing but amazing to me, kind, gentle, did not judge, gave me the facts, hugs from everyone working there, literally everything. I found out that I was one week too far along to have the abortion pill, and that I needed the procedure. (I had to be 9 weeks for the pill and I was 10 weeks 4 days). I honestly wanted the pill because in my mind, it would feel like a plan B for me and seemed like there was less work to it. I just wanted to be in and out of there. I was scared for the procedure, but they calmed me down, let me lay in a recliner with movies, a blanket, and snacks, and talked with me. The procedure was less than 4 minutes, no exaggeration and the pain for me felt similar to the beginning cramps of my menstrual cycle. They let me lay down in the “comfy room” for some more time to make sure I was okay. They talked to me more afterwards. They gave me so many resources to call, text and chat with, or even in person appointments for post abortion feelings. I felt so at home there, and comfortable. I usually hate seeing doctors but they made me feel like their family.
Afterwards I went home, honestly for me it felt just awkward. I went to the clinic pregnant and now I’m… not? It just felt different. I’ve cried, I’ve had feelings of happiness, guilt, anxiety, grief, what if thoughts, then at peace. It’s all normal waves and I’ll get through it. It’s an overwhelming experience and it takes time, if you need it. I had a friend who told me she only felt peaceful after, she never cried or experienced grief. It’s different for everybody. I ultimately don’t regret my decision, I know it was best for me, I wasn’t in the place mentally, physically, or financially for a child. My ex boyfriend wasn’t either and has come to terms with it and agreed that we needed that. You’re not a murderer no matter how far along you are. Your reasons don’t make you any less or more valid. It’s your choice, it’s your life and your mental health. You can have kids when you’re ready or not at all if you wanted. My advice would be to at least be prepared for a roller coaster of emotions afterwards because I didn’t expect it at all, because my decision from the start was an abortion. Then I got hit with all sorts of feelings. And please don’t hate yourself afterwards. YOU ARE NOT A MURDERER! I am so grateful that I had the care team I did and wish that for everybody that goes through this because that clinic made my experience so much easier for me and I will always remember them for that. Whether you take the pill, or the procedure, it doesn’t matter. It’s your body and your choice and I hope we never lose that right in the US.
