I regret it... Not the abortion but not doing it sooner and letting people manipulate me.
I had just moved in with my boyfriend of 2 years. We were living together for about 6 months. The first two months everything was perfect. After that, it became the worst. We would argue everyday to the point where we both became abusive mentally and physically. I found out he had cheated on me. I’ve had enough and finally I decided to end things. After breaking up with him I was broken. I felt so alone. I got distant from my best friends and family.
Not even a month after my breakup I met this guy. He was handsome, charming and perfect. He was the guy I dreamed of! I couldn’t believe how perfect and caring he was of me. We started to go out a lot we would even go out of the state every weekend. I was getting flowers every other day delivered to work. I felt so happy, but yet so broken. When I was alone I would cry. I missed my relationship with my ex before we moved in. I didn’t love this new guy he was perfect and all but it was all too soon. My heart was still healing.
This new guy knew about my recent breakup and would offer me emotional support. People that knew about him would tell me how he was my rebound and how I should slow down a bit but I didn’t listen. We started having unprotected sex, I had never been on birth control before. And I even talked to him about buying condoms. He would always be like “yeah I will buy them” and it never happened. It began to get a little weird.. every time we were done I would ask him if he had finished and his response was “idk I didn’t feel it.” I began to take the after pill because at this point I was confused. I was trying to be “safe” AND then it happened, after 2 months since my breakup and dating this guy I got pregnant…
I freaked out when I saw the positive pregnancy test, I called him right away and told him I was freaking out. He was so happy. I didn’t want this. Deep inside of me I was still very broken I didn’t love this guy I just started dating him! I wasn’t mentally or financially stable! I talked to him about abortion and he got really upset. Days went by and I was so depressed. I turned to my best friend not knowing she was against it. She told her older sister who sent me horrifying pics of aborted babies. I turned to my mom she said she was gonna stop talking to me if I ever think about abortion. She wanted a grandchild. She was so happy. She reminded me that I was an unexpected pregnancy and she still raised me on her own. I turned to one of my coworkers hoping I would get a different response from her, she gave me a speech. Soon after the guys family started calling me congratulating me since he had told them. I cried and cried my family found out everyone wanted this. Except for me..
Long story short The Guy started to threaten me that I HAD to have his baby. He started calling me names. I blocked him. He started following me around. I began to hide from everyone I was sleeping in my car for days. I was scared. I was scared I was gonna lose my only family I had. I was going to lose my close friends. Everyone was against me. I wanted to please everyone so I decided to keep it. But everyday literally everyday I would cry I hated this guy and myself! He would beg to go to every doc appt because he was the dad and had the “right” to. He even offered to move in with me I said no. I didn’t even wanna be near him I hated him and he knew it. He was a couple years older than me, this is what HE wanted.
It started getting to the point where I felt like I was going crazy. I couldn’t take this anymore. I realized I was putting my life in danger thinking suicidal thoughts. AND then I did it. Instead of talking to just anybody, I talked to a professional. They explained how my family’s myths of not being able to conceive after were unreal. They opened my eyes. I was being manipulated into doing something I didn’t want to. I wasn’t thinking about myself I was thinking of everyone else but me. It wasn’t fair I was falling apart. I was 22 weeks pregnant. And my states legal limit for abortion is 23 weeks. I did it. I was proud of myself I couldn’t believe how relieved I felt. But I regret it… Not the abortion but not doing it sooner and letting people manipulate me. JUST HOW NO ONE CAN FORCE YOU TO HAVE AN ABORTION, NO ONE CAN FORCE YOU TO KEEP IT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO. I’m thankful for this laws because if it wasn’t for it there would’ve probably been a child now without a mother or with one that wasn’t fully mentally capable of raising them. And with a dad who is now in jail for drug dealing..
