I am really sad but I know that this is the best thing to do
In August of 2018 I had my very first abortion. Albeit the relationship was horrible (mental and physical abuse) and my partner at the time and I were not financially ready, I still wanted the baby. It sounds selfish but in my mind at the time I was prepared to go through any struggle to keep my baby. My mom was very supportive of whatever decision I made, my father on the other hand was livid. I broke up with my boyfriend at the time and then in September 2019 I started dating someone new. A year and a few months after I had my first abortion I found out that I was pregnant. This time was different because the man that I am in a relationship with has 3 college degrees, I’m one semester away of having mine, and I’m confident that we will be able to raise a child together. The only problem is that he isn’t ready at all. This experience showed me so many things about myself and about my partner. Honestly speaking I resent him for this. I can’t help but feel this way based on my new found “security” within this relationship. It’s almost as if he made me think that if shit hit the fan he would clean it off. I am really sad but I know that this is the best thing to do and I know that God will bless me with another child one day when I am completely ready and when my partner is completely ready. My friend is telling me to keep the baby if I feel it in my heart to and I do but I know that isn’t what I want for my child. No marriage is certain nowadays but I would feel more comfortable being married before having children. I grew up in a two parent household and I know how much my dad being there meant for us. I’m scared, sad, and a little depressed about this whole ordeal but I’m happy I have a plan b.. no pun intended.
