The packaging said to wait 3-5 minutes for a result. 30 seconds passed and I saw the result blinking on the screen– pregnant. I blinked. Ummm…. I was sitting in the smallest stall in a Publix bathroom. My boyfriend and I had been dating for barely 2 weeks and knew each other for a month. I’d had some cramping, which is characteristic of my period, but I was now 3 days late. I had no doubt that I wasn’t pregnant. Sure, it was a little weird that my boobs were sensitive. And my cramps were less in my back and more so in the middle of my lower abdomen. That was just a random collection of symptoms, right? Really, it was the week of diarrhea and stuffy nose that made me want to get a pregnancy test, just to show myself I wasn’t pregnant. But I was now sitting with a positive pregnancy test in my hand, wholly uncertain of how I felt or what the next few days would look like for me. I went home and took another test. Positive again. Okay, so this is real.
One thing I never questioned or doubted is what I wanted. I wanted an abortion. I have never wanted children. It’s even something I bring up on first dates, as I have always known that I do not want to be a mother. I could get into the details of why, but the basic fact is I did not question my decision to have an abortion. Ironically, when I told my now boyfriend that I didn’t want kids on our first date, I lightheartedly commented that he should know I would be getting an abortion should I ever accidentally become pregnant. Still, the process of getting an abortion was complicated.
For context, I am a graduate student in a masters program. I was 4 days away from starting the Spring semester and had no idea how to navigate the abortion process. I did not grow up in a pro-choice environment and knew nothing about the types of abortions, ways to access them, or costs associated with the procedure. So I did the first thing that came to mind and opened an internet search engine on my phone. I spent a few hours looking at abortion regulations and clinics in Georgia. With the six week abortion ban in Georgia, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to have the procedure done without traveling. I was only a few days late for my period, but what isn’t talked about enough is the lack of availability at abortion clinics. I called every Planned Parenthood and abortion clinic I could find in the state. The earliest I could get in was at a clinic 3 hours away, on the estimated day I would be 6 weeks. Therefore, they could not help me. Florida and South Carolina had the same restrictions to abortion care as Georgia. My closest option for better abortion access was North Carolina. I booked an appointment for the earliest available consultation at Women’s Choice of Greensboro. This meant I would skip my first day of classes, drive 6 hours to another state, and drive back immediately after the appointment to prepare for class and work the next day. But this was my best option, so I took it happily.
The most difficult part of the entire experience for me was telling my partner. When we talked about children and abortions on our date, he shared he would want to be there for me and as involved as I was comfortable with. I truly believed him, but did he mean that in a future sense? Because just 2 weeks into being “official”, I was pregnant. There was also the fact that it may not be his child. I was sexually active shortly before meeting him for the first time. My boyfriend also had his own past experiences with a partner having an abortion, so I was terrified that I would cause him harm by putting him through another abortion or lose him entirely. It is a deeply personal decision to share or not share the information that you are pregnant and/or if you are having an abortion. In this situation, my boyfriend had already expressed support for reproductive rights and the desire to be present for me if a pregnancy/abortion ever occurred. I also knew I did not want to hide this from him. I wanted his support. So four hours after I sat in the Publix stall and saw I was pregnant, we talked. He could tell something had shifted. I sent him a message, “Something did come up and I want to tell you about it […] But we can talk about it over the phone today or in person tomorrow. It’s a more serious convo, so I am not sure what format you would prefer? Sorry to be all sketchy– I’ve been trying to figure out the delivery of it.” He called me, and I shared I had a positive pregnancy test and would be having an abortion. I told him I already booked a consultation in North Carolina on Monday, and that I understood if this experience was too much for him to deal with. He had no obligation to stay with me or be present. My boyfriend is truly one of the most supportive, genuine, and loving people I know. I could tell it brought up complicated emotions for him, but he immediately asked if there was anything I needed and expressed support for any decision I made related to this. He got off work and made plans to come with me to the appointment. That meant leaving work the night before at 10:30pm and driving an hour to my apartment, only to be up again at 4 am to start driving to North Carolina.
The drive there was relatively smooth. Arriving at Women’s Choice, we were greeted by 2 volunteers in rainbow vests that directed us into the parking lot. I saw online that volunteers in rainbow vests would be present to support patients, like myself, in feeling safe and navigating protesters if needed. We walked into the building and checked in. My boyfriend and I sat in the waiting room and chatted lightly as I waited to be called back. No electronic devices, bags, or other individuals were allowed back to ensure patient safely. So when my name was called, I left my boyfriend in the waiting room and stepped back into a private room.
There, I undressed from the waist down and prepared for an ultrasound. The nurse explained the process of the transvaginal ultrasound and asked if I wanted to see the screen or have a print out of the sonogram. I knew this would be a choice but hadn’t decided what I wanted until that moment. I asked to see the ultrasound screen but declined a copy of the sonogram. It ended up taking several minutes to be able to find the embryonic sack and get a gestational date. I was just 5 weeks and 3 days along at this point, so there was very little to see. When I saw the embryonic sack, I was surprised. Not that I was pregnant, and not that I was choosing to have an abortion, but by how much it didn’t impact me. I felt just as secure as ever in my decision when I saw it come up on the screen.
Part of me felt guilt that I didn’t get emotional at seeing the fetus. Shouldn’t I? I have to highlight that most abortion stories that I came across on the internet fell into 3 “buckets”, those that were excited/relieved to have an abortion, those that regretted an abortion (these stories were usually pushed by anti-abortion groups and were far scarcer compared to any other experience I read about), and those with mixed experiences. I didn’t fall into any of those. I felt completely neutral. I was pregnant, I did not want to be, and I was going to get an abortion to remove the pregnancy. I kept waiting to hit some sort of pronounced emotion during my abortion experience, but that was not my reality. I made the decision like I do any other.
After the ultrasound, I did bloodwork and discussed my medications with a nurse before receiving education on my options. There was one other individual in the room for the pre-abortion counseling. Financial support for pregnant individuals and adoption resources were discussed with equal support as the abortion education that was provided. Two types of abortion were discussed– medication and procedural. I knew the most about medication or “pill” abortion. One medication is taken first to stop your body from producing the chemicals it makes to keep you pregnant. A specified time later, a second medication (Misoprostol) is taken to induce shedding of the uterine lining and ultimately expel the embryonic sack. A procedural or “surgical” abortion was foreign to me. The nurse explained the Dilation and Evacuation procedure. You would arrive in the clinic and be with others who were having the procedural abortion that day. The second medication of a medication abortion would be given to start to dilate the cervix. When ready, you would be taken back and the doctor would dilate your cervix to where the instruments to perform the evacuation could be inserted. When the uterus was confirmed to be empty, the instruments would be removed. You would rest for a short period and be monitored by medical staff before being discharged home.
When I found that procedural abortion was an option, I was relieved. I did not want to experience the cramping and bleeding that some go through with a medication abortion. When I scheduled my appointment (with a minimum 72 hour waiting period between visits, as mandated by law), I booked for the first available date, which was 5 days later on a Saturday. You needed to be at least 6 weeks for a procedural abortion and I would be at 6 weeks and 2 days.
There was a lone protester outside when my boyfriend and I left. The volunteers had music playing and drowned out anything she said through her bullhorn. I was immensely grateful for their presence. My boyfriend drove me back to my apartment and made sure I was comfortable. The day had been long, but I was confident in my decision and now had a date for the abortion.
I was nervous trying to find someone to take me to my procedural abortion. My boyfriend was unable to take me but made plans to stay the night and take care of me. I reached out to a classmate that I believed would support me. She was wonderful. I booked us a hotel so that we could rest well the night before and prepped essentials to make the drive back easier.
Pulling into the clinic the second time brought a different experience. Around 10 or so protesters had set up outside, some with signs and some shouting various phrases. There were more volunteers in rainbow vests this time and they were absolutely amazing. Upbeat music was blasting from multiple, large speakers and they were dancing and smiling. Protesters were my worst fear when getting the abortion, but I felt completely safe and supported with the volunteers there. Inside, I checked in and was taken back to a large room after changing into a gown. Ten recliners were set a comfortable distance apart, each equipped with a side table, heating pad, and incontinence pad. The nurse explained the doctor would arrive shortly to discuss the procedure and answer any questions. The heating and incontinence pads were there for support if bleeding or cramping occurred after taking the Misoprostol. There were sedation options available if individuals wanted, however they were made to induce a twilight zone instead of putting you under. I chose the highest level of sedation, a combination of fentanyl and another medication in an IV. A nurse placed the IV with ease and I returned to my chair to wait for the doctor. It was somewhat surreal to be sitting with 6 other individuals waiting to have an abortion, but I ultimately found it comforting to know none of us would be experiencing it alone.
The doctor came in and explained the medication and procedure. I was given Misoprostol and a general pain reliever along with the other patients (with the doses tailored to our individual needs). After 30-40 minutes, they announced they would begin the abortions in order of lowest to highest gestation, as the cervix needed more time to soften the farther along someone was. I knew I would be early in the queue, but I was still a little surprised to be called first.
I walked into a room similar to which I was given the ultrasound, with different machinery present. Two nurses and the doctor came in and prepared the area. The sedative was injected into my IV and the doctor let me know it should kick in after only a few seconds. I remember a speculum being inserted by a doctor, and then nothing else of the procedure. I was released after 30 minutes of supervision by the medical staff. I had no cramping and no bleeding. I felt surprisingly awake and alert. My classmate and I started the long drive back to Georgia, arriving at my apartment around 6pm.
I had slight cramping (~3 or 4/10) with little to no spotting the first night. My boyfriend was amazingly supportive. I cannot recommend enough to have a supporter with you the first night, even just for the fact you know you are not alone. I did not experience any bleeding until 3 third day, but even then it was not heavy. Some light spotting (not even requiring a pad or tampon) began about day 6 or 7 and has continued intermittently. I have now experienced my first period post-abortion and have not had any ill effects.
I am immensely grateful for the access to abortion I was able to obtain and am proud of the decision I made for myself. I owe a lot to the individuals who supported me throughout the process and showed up in ways I never could have imagined. To the staff at the clinic and volunteers who fiercely showed their support to me and all others who come to the clinic, thank you. Abortions are healthcare, and access to abortions is access to a healthy life. You have made that possible for me!
Talking about abortions and sharing personal experiences is often stigmatized. There is no perfect or “right” way to feel when making that decision or going through the process. Whatever you choose is valid! For me, I would make the same choice again and have no regrets about my decision.
