My Little Bean

Nothing, and I mean nothing in this world could describe the joy I had knowing I was carrying a possible life in me. It was the possibility I had created with the one I love the most and I loved my Little Bean with all my being but it wasn’t meant to be, not right now where me and my partner’s financial situation couldn’t raise our love. I wasn’t ready for our child and I wasn’t expecting it to happen, my birth control had failed me. When after all these years it failed me in this moment. I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks, I had my abortion at 8 weeks due to delay in scheduling. I just couldn’t keep you despite all my love I had. I had to further my career without stopping, I had to support myself without hindrance, I had to be able to move because my job needed me to. I always want you my Little Bean, just not now. Not in a world where you won’t know your mother but in one where you can sleep comfortably and know that your mom worked hard so you can be here with her. I chose an abortion not because you aren’t wanted but because you are in the future and my birth control failed.