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My Decision

by Anonymous

February 26, 2021

Content Warning: coercion

He was my first and only boyfriend. It was the summer after I graduated high school; I was 17 years old and he was 19. We met at local community center and hit it off. He seemed like he had everything together, and I thought he really loved me. I would later find out that his whole life was a lie and he manipulated me into thinking otherwise. When he asked me if we could have sex, I told him I would only try it if he had a condom. He told me he was sterile and could never have kids, so a condom would never be needed. Being the naive girl I was, I thought it would be fine. Soon enough, I became pregnant.

I thought something like this would never happen to me. I first found out by taking a pregnancy test from Walgreens. I could not believe it, so I decided to go to my local planned parenthood to confirm if what I saw was real. As soon as the nurse told me I was indeed pregnant, I got very upset with my boyfriend and could not believe he would lie about something so serious. He accused me of cheating and told me that I cannot have an abortion. I wanted to get one right then and there, but he influenced me to wait to decide because he threatened me. I knew it was wrong of me to not follow my gut feeling. A few days later, he told me I needed to tell my parents or else. The last thing I wanted to do was have them find out. However, we drove to my house, busted the door open, and told them. That was the worst day of my life. The extreme anger and sadness in my parents’ eyes was too much to bear. My parents gave me an ultimatum: get an abortion or move out. I eventually ended up having the abortion after 8 weeks. My parents’ disappointment and giving me only one option was heart wrenching. Even though I did want an abortion, I felt that my parents made my decision no longer a choice but an order. Furthermore, the longer I waited to have the abortion the more I hated my situation and my life. Until this day, the relationship I have with my parents has dwindled and I know it will never be the same. I am happy I had the abortion, but I am sad that I was persuaded to wait and tell my parents. It is my decision and no one else’s. No one has to know. My parents were never understanding or open to talk about it. It is something so taboo. I feel like I will never be able to bring up my past openly to my family. My abortion story weighs heavily on my shoulders and I do not have anyone to talk to about it.

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