My choice was for me.

I talked to him today for the first time in about 20 years. He would’ve been the father to our 21 & 23 year old kids. I have never regretted my decision to have either abortion. Especially today.

Those were my 2nd & 3rd abortions. I had my first one when I was 14. There was no choice to be made that time, for me. I was 14 and got pregnant the first or second time me & my first boyfriend had sex. We didn’t practice safe sex correctly.  I was 14 and felt I had no business even thinking I was going to raise a kid with a 14 year old boy. I have never regretted that decision.

Three years later, 17 and home from a year abroad, I started hanging out with a guy I grew up with. He had 2 kids already, the condom broke, and here I was again. Pregnant. No questions about it, I was not ready for this. It was my senior year of high school. I had just come home from seeing another country, another culture, realizing that there is so much more out there than my little town. He didn’t try to dissuade me. I asked my mom to sign papers and dealt with her disappointment that I didn’t learn the first time. My best friend’s mom let me stay at her house so my friend could go with me that day. The day of 2nd abortion. I was sad, but mostly because I put myself in this situation again.

Fast forward two-ish more years. I was in college. I was on the pill. Same guy, but we’d been on and off. He was not my future. I loved him, I didn’t trust him. I didn’t want to bring another child of his into this world that he didn’t support or deal with him being in and out of jail.  I scheduled my appointment. He asked me to keep it. I said no.  I asked him to go to the appointment with me, he said he would. He disappeared days before and then didn’t show up the morning of my appointment. His best friend got up and took me to my appointment.  Our on and off again stretched out to longer offs. One day I just knew we were done.  He’s been in and out of jail and went to prison twice since then. I graduated with a degree in criminal justice and worked as a corrections officer for years.