I was 27 when I had my abortion.
It was the summer of 2001. My partner and I used protection, but the condom broke. Around the 4th of July I realized that there were some changes going on with me. My breasts were incredibly tender and I was a bit more emotional. I had always had difficult periods and thought it was just getting close to my period coming. I waited, patiently for my period to come. But it didn’t. I talked to my partner about it and he said I should do a pregnancy test. So I did. It came back positive. My partner was controlling and verbally and emotionally abusive to me. As much as I wanted to have a child, these were not the circumstances that I wanted that to happen in. When I told him, he said, “great, one more kid I have to deal with”. I was shocked by his statement, because I had NO idea he had other children. He explained at the time that the reason he was always doing jobs for cash was so he wouldn’t have to pay child support. I was appalled. Not only did I have the pregnancy to be stressed and anxious about but I found out some news from him that was appalling to me. I was a sobbing mess. I left his place and went to go talk with my mom.
I pulled her aside and told her I was pregnant. She was incredibly supportive. She told me that whatever decision I made, she would stand behind me.
My gut was telling me I needed to have an abortion.
I called Planned Parenthood the next day and found out what I needed to do. I found out the cost, waiting period, etc. and scheduled my abortion. I had to have an ultrasound first and found out I would be approximately 11 weeks at the time of the procedure.
My partner insisted that he go with me. I didn’t want him there, but let him come with me anyway. I drove myself to the clinic, protesters standing outside with signs and shouting that I’m “killing my baby”. The signs had aborted babies on them. It was disgusting the awful things they were shouting. I went inside, paid the fee, and waited. They called my name and I went back to the room where I was to have my procedure. The nurse explained what I would experience and was very kind. I remember lying on the table, the nurse offered to hold my hand – which I did- as I stared at the cloud poster above me. It was minimally painful, felt like bad cramps, and before I knew it, the procedure was over. They had me sit in a recovery room for a bit and then sent me on my way.
My partner was waiting for me in the waiting room. He asked if I was ok, and I said yes I was. I walked back out of the clinic, the protesters still shouting, and got in my car. On the way back to his place, he asked if I could drop him off at a friend’s house so he could borrow the friend’s motorcycle. I told him “absolutely not”! I had expected him to be supportive and to be there for me that day, but he was just upset with me because I wouldn’t drop him off. I dropped him off at his place and went to the local coffee shop.
I called my mom from the coffee shop to let her know I was ok. I got myself a coffee and that’s when I saw my good friend there. He noticed something wasn’t right and he asked if I was ok. I explained to him that I had just had an abortion. He was incredibly supportive and kind. Not long after I went home.
For the next couple days I was an emotional mess. I called my partner and told him I couldn’t see him anymore. I was done with being treated like I was by him. He was VERY angry with me, and kept calling and calling me. I called into work and told them I had the flu. I needed time to get my emotions under control.
I returned to work the following Monday. My now ex-partner was literally stalking me. I was so afraid. At the end of the week he got arrested, not because of him stalking me, but because he had gotten violent at the coffee shop I frequented. I didn’t hear from him after that. He moved away, thank goodness.
I am a musician and wrote a song about my experience. It was cathartic.
I had always wanted to have children, but the situation I was in was abusive and unhealthy. I was not going to bring a child into the world with someone that treated me like crap. I didn’t want that for my child.
A few years after my abortion, I found out I wouldn’t be able to have children because I had fibroids in my uterus. They were so bad that I had to have a hysterectomy. Even if I would’ve gone through with the pregnancy, my OB said I likely wouldn’t have been able to make it full term.
I don’t have children, and I’m ok with it. I do have a lot of friend’s kids that call me “auntie”.
If I was in that situation again today, knowing what I do now, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I still would’ve had the abortion.
I’ve come to terms with it. And I’m happy that I made the decision I did.
Thanks for reading my story!
