My story started on October 23rd 2022. I was not on birth control at the time due to some adverse reactions I had been experiencing with my previous birth control. Me and my partner were using a condom and it broke. I took the morning after pill but to no avail as I was already ovulating.

I knew in that exact moment looking down and seeing that broken condom that i would be pregnant. it just shook me to my core and i also knew in that moment that i would choose abortion.

the decision was not at all difficult for me but for my partner who is religious and was raised pro life he disagreed and wanted me to keep it. After waiting 10 days I took several pregnancy tests and they were all positive. I told him what my choice would be and that i would understand if he wanted to leave or was angry. He told me he would support me through this and would not judge me or hate me and that he understood why. He kept his word. He went with me to my appointment and held my hand the whole time in the waiting room. Unfortunately at that time i wasn’t allowed to have him in the room with me. I opted for medical abortion and was put to sleep. I remember the room like it was yesterday. It was so big. I laid down on the bed and immediately the doctors and nurses started hooking me up to machines and putting my iv in. There was a wonderful volunteer woman who held my hand the whole time. The thing i remember most is these pink plastic butterflies they had taped to the ceiling. I knew they were there as a sort of comfort to the people  going through this and I decided to latch onto them mentally. I woke what felt like seconds later disoriented and they sent me home soon after. Overall i would consider it a cold yet pleasant experience.

Immediately after in the following weeks my partner was grieving and coming to terms with everything and after about two weeks had come to accept it and was even happy. I was so relieved after and in the coming weeks was also relieved when he was healing as well.

What I didn’t expect was the feelings that follow me even now. I have never and don’t think I will ever regret my abortion, however, I find the entire world around me so triggering all the time. Seeing pro life shit all over social media. Roe being over turned. Even just talking about pregnancy with people who have no idea what happened to me. It’s getting easier but it’s so hard to face the world with this secret. I don’t know how to cope on the bad days with this. I also fear that when I do have children by choice I will be filled with guilt or some other triggering emotion. I’m scared for the future but also hopeful. This site has helped a lot with processing my emotions. Just to know there are others like me that had similar experiences and that i’m not alone in this. And that the whole world doesn’t actually hate me. So thank you.

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