Purity culture made me believe that my body was not my own.
I was raised in rigid purity culture. I never received proper sexual education, and entered college with an abstinence-only mindset where my value was dependent on someday allowing my “untainted” body to be given in marriage. According to the beliefs imposed upon me, my body wasn’t even mine to “give away”.
I was completely socially unprepared for the world outside of the closed community I was raised in, and having never been taught healthy boundary setting, I was vulnerable to manipulation and coercion. I quickly found myself being talked into things I really didn’t even want, and immediately felt as though my life was over. I had, in my eyes, failed and lost all value. My body wasn’t my own to begin with, and it certainly wasn’t then, after letting my “purity” go. I gave up and fell to the whim of anyone who showed interest in me, because my self-worth had been buried under miles of shame and defeat.
At 21 years old, I found myself pregnant, compounding the belief that my body wasn’t my own. It was now being used by someone whom I did not have the physical, emotional, or financial means to carry. Something then woke up inside of me, screaming to take my autonomy back for the first time in my life. I knew immediately that abortion was the right thing for me to do, for both of us.
Now, nearly a decade later, I am still proud of my choice. My gratitude for the ability to do so grows every day. It gave me a chance to gather myself up into my own embrace; to truly discover who I am and what to do with my life. It allowed me to build a strength I never thought possible.
Purity culture made me believe that my body was not my own. My abortion allowed me to take my body back and it truly saved my life, in more ways than one.
