My abortion made me love myself more

I scheduled my abortion while I was still looking at my pregnancy test. I walked in shamelessly and walked out shamelessly. I put the four pills in my cheeks unapologetically and prepared for the most freeing night of my life. I don’t want a baby today and I may never want one, and that’s my business. I always know how far along I would have been in my pregnancy and I think about it at least once a week, but I don’t regret it. The rhetoric around abortion tries to make us feel like we aren’t allowed to mourn or marvel in our child that could have been, but our abortions don’t need to be shaded by regret. I loved myself before getting pregnant and I love myself even more after terminating. I have refused to feel shame for my decision even in the face of those who try so hard to make me. I love myself for choosing my own future over an ambiguous love for a child I never planned or wanted. My abortion has proven to me that I will always choose myself over anything when given an option, and it has set me on a whole new path of self love.