This year I experienced the greatest, hardest, and most painful thing in my life… Aborting my baby. I never understood the love that a parent has for their kid until I was standing there holding my pregnancy test in my hand. In that moment I fell in love and started imagining my child’s life, what he or she would look like, and how much I would love my child. Many people don’t talk about grief after an abortion because society believes a woman who aborts her baby isn’t allowed to be sad because it was her decision. Unfortunately, life isn’t just black and white. If I had brought a child into this world where I’m not financially stable and can’t even be there to take care of them… What type of life would that be? I chose to have my abortion because it was the right thing to do for me. My abortion gave me a chance at a better future. I was and still am not at a point in my life where I can be responsible for another human being other than myself. I was grateful for my right to chose what happens to my body and that I was greeted by understanding people at the clinic I went to. I was also lucky enough to have a partner who supported my decision.
After my abortion, I felt relief and then immediately after I felt a sadness come over me. I was pregnant for two and a half months and everything I did, I’d do it pregnantly. I would write letters to the baby I would never get to meet as a way of helping my cope because I felt guilty for being relieved after my abortion. I started drinking heavily to the point where I’d drink just so I could be happy. I’ve worked through all the emotions that came after my abortion and I’m glad I had an abortion because I was not ready to raise a child when I’m barely an adult.
