My abortion experience

by S

May 9, 2019

I was 16, in a relationship with a boy i’d later go on to break up with. I knew that I was not ready, considering I was still a child myself. My gcse exams we’re coming up, I struggled with mental health issues (and still do), I didn’t want children, I didn’t think my underweight body could even handle a full pregnancy. Thanks to the internet, I was informed on my decision, I knew that a first trimester termination was something I felt comfortable with in my mind. Even at 6 weeks pregnant, the guilt still sometimes creeps in though, usually due to the misinformed idea that you’re a “murderer”, killing a sentient being who feels pain. But I educated myself on exactly was was happening in my body and reassured myself. At the hospital, it felt humiliating bleeding in front of my boyfriend, it was such an intimate experience looking back, I kind of wish I hadn’t had him in the room, but I guess I didn’t want to be alone for hours in pain. When it was over I felt nothing but relief. I maintain that if it had not been legal to have an abortion, I would have attempted an unsafe termination on myself. I desperately did not want a child. I was a young girl who thought she was older than she was, having a relationship where I made mistakes with contraception, but I didn’t deserve to be punished. I have no regrets about my choice to terminate, I no longer feel any guilt and I am proud of myself for handling what is such a difficult choice for some so well. I only wish that other people in the same situation can find peace.

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