I had just graduated college and was about to start 2 years with a competitive teaching fellowship in Baltimore. I was about to head to California when I took a pregnancy test. I knew it would be positive. I had tried to will it away, but I knew. I had to tell my mother. I was headed away from home and knew I wouldn’t be able to negotiate an abortion far from home. I actually never asked her for an abortion, she assumed it’s what I wanted. She assumed right, but I always wished she had asked. She took me to her fancy doctor who couldn’t see a pregnancy on sono. He told me I needed to come back in 2 wks. These were the days before medical abortion was available. My parents flew me home on a red-eye, I had the termination that day (I think I went right from the airport) and flew back to LA the next day. A few days later, I woke up with excruciating cramps and passed a gigantic clot (at the time I thought it was the placenta, now I know better.) I still wonder what I would have done if there were a complication.
I have zero regrets. For a while I was angry at myself for letting myself get in that position; I should have known better. I’m now much kinder to myself about it. What I think about now is how lucky I was to have had support and means to make this happen, wherever I was. I think about pregnant people who are at the mercy of their states and insurance and can’t just fly away to get it taken care of. It infuriates me. I’m now a midwife who has both performed and facilitated access to abortions and will continue to help people get the care they desire or require.
