My Abortion

before you get an IUD you are required to take a pregnancy test – i was 23, had already dropped out of college twice and at the time i felt as tho i couldn’t make any more mistakes (for the rest of my life…slightly naïve). i was trying to be responsible but i was in love, in a new & chaotic relationship…i hadn’t admitted it to myself and i had really irregular periods so it wasn’t at all obvious, but i already knew i was pregnant. the dr. came in (for what should have been my IUD consult) & informed me i was 7 weeks pregnant. they told me i had many options, but before they could list them i blurted that i wanted an abortion.

i worked at doggy daycare at the time. the thing about doggy daycare is you’re stuck in a room often with just one other person & 40+ dogs for 6 hours, with nothing to do but talk and pick up poop. we normally passed the time by making increasingly specific and deranged dog jokes. when i came back to work after a few days off for the abortion, i was placed with one of my favorite co workers. she could tell something was wrong, and i opened up pretty quickly. after patiently listening to my story, she told me her own: a new love, attempts to be careful, a mistake. a play by play of my own experience. i found out that both her and another co worker had also had abortions.

up to that point i had felt cocooned in my shame, unable to forgive myself. i hadn’t told anyone but my roommate. i was utterly absorbed in my self-hatred. suddenly i realized that i was not alone. to judge myself was to judge these women who i already deeply admired and respected. the hypocrisy in holding myself to a different standard than the people around me.

to cheer me up that co-worker took me and our other coworker out for drinks. we chanted “abortion club” the entire night, drunk and defiant. our chant may seem crass, minimizing what some view as a weighty decision, but it saved my life. abortion isn’t a bad word. people who have abortions are normal people. they should be trusted as experts on their own lives and their own bodies. while simultaneously crying, laughing, and chanting i realized that i wasn’t special, or alone. that amazing people make this choice everyday.

my story of my abortion is regular, run of the mill, lucky, even. planned parenthood, and the community support i received afterwards, was life-saving. i have never regretted my choice. all i wish is for others to have access to make the same choice without feeling shame, stigma, or loneliness. if you have had an abortion – you are amazing for possessing the wisdom, knowledge and courage to self-determine your  own life. i hope you always remember that.