My Abortion

by Johanna

May 18, 2020

I got pregnant because we were fools and didn’t use a condom once. When I saw the pregnancy test I was shocked. I never thought this would happen to me, because I’m usually very responsible. Not this time. The pregnancy hit hard very soon, my hormones went crazy and I could hardly get up. I puked very very often. And I didn’t manage to make myself food or do anything. My best friend had to care about me. There was this thought and feelings of keeping it. But it was clear very soon: I can’t keep it. Not yet, not now. Not with the partner I had (that is still a friend and I still love to the moon), not yet not now. And after the decision was made it wasn’t a thing at all actually. The worst thing was the pregnancy itself. The puking and the numbness. And maybe the waiting time for the abortion. It went pretty well. I actually was prepared to get the worst mental breakdown afterwards (that’s what I learned a person had to have after an abortion), but instead I felt so freed and good and I could collect so much power from it. I learned so much. I learned to never be that irresponsible like that again, that I’m not ready for being a parent yet, that abortion doesn’t mean that one has to go through hell and that I’m so lucky to live in Germany where it’s legal and relatively easy to get an abortion. My biggest wish is that it will be normal. For every person in the world. I will fight to help it make abortion normal, essential, available for every person on this planet.

I still don’t dare to tell people. Only very few people know about it and a few of them used it to make me feel bad. My goal is to get this thing out there. To just say: ah yes I had an abortion. And after three years I know I’m finally ready. The next time I’ll have the opportunity to say it I will.

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