My second abortion story is very different from my first, in several ways. I was 34 this time around, not 20. I was at the beginning of a serious relationship, not at the end of a casual one. This time I was given the abortion pill series at a clinic instead of having a traditional “put to sleep” medical abortion.
I was 34 years old and 3 months into my first relationship in nearly 5 years when I found out I was pregnant. I was so over the moon over this fella. He was 7 years younger than me and had been my neighbor growing up, although we didn’t know each other really due to our age difference. I had just moved home from AZ to CA and was renting my childhood home from my parents who had moved elsewhere. He was living several doors down after having moved back into his parents house with his young son who he has part time. We connected over hanging in the alley smoking cigarettes and me asking him to come over and help me occasionally with stuff around the house. We started dating and things moved quickly and intensely. Of course he started staying at my house almost immediately because why would he want to stay with his parents when I was right there and had more freedom?!
Well his family hated the idea of us right away. His sister wouldn’t speak to me and his mom, who I had been friendly with all of a sudden turned cold. I of course was hoping to turn these feeling around, which I knew would not happen if I ended up pregnant 3 months into our relationship, which I did. Him having his son at such a young age was not something they loved, so me, this older woman getting pregnant would have gone over horribly. I found out on. Tuesday and made an appt on Wednesday to hit the clinic on that Sunday. I knew I wasn’t having this child. At first I thought I wouldn’t even tell my partner about it. How could this have even happened?!? I was 34 and had already terminated one pregnancy 14 years earlier. I knew better! We had gone away for a weekend in May and instead of being on my period I skipped my week of sugar pills and went directly to my next pack to avoid the bleed. I had done this many times with no problem, but this time it messed me up and I ended up preggo.
I was worried my partner would want me to have the baby, as he had told me he was “anti abortion” which is how him and his ex ended up with his son when he was 20. I thought that if I kept the child, it would ruin my chance of his family ever accepting me, but if I terminated it would ruin our chance of moving forward together. But how could I keep that secret?! I decided the day before going to the clinic I would tell him. I blurted it all out including my concerns about telling him. He told me he supported whatever I decided and was glad I didn’t keep the secret.
Sunday he had his son, so I went to the clinic alone, which was fine. They took an ultrasound and almost had trouble finding the embryo, I was so newly pregnant. Thankfully they found it so that we could move forward and I didn’t have to wait. The nurse gave me one pill which was to stop the cells from growing. I was sent home with another pill which I was to take within 36 hours that would begin the process of expelling the cells from my body. I went to work on Monday and then took Tuesday off so that I could take the 2nd pill Monday night. He was right by my side the whole time. Monday night was rough. Quite a bit of pain and lots of bleeding. Thankfully the pain didn’t last more than several hours, but the bleeding lasted off and on for several months. That was the hardest part for me. I felt like it was different from my medical abortion 14 years earlier in that it was “easier” of a process, but it lasted much longer. 14 years earlier I bled for about a week after like a normal period. This went on and on…and because of that, even though I was on birth control again, I was so worried I would somehow ended up pregnant again, because my body and cycle hadn’t normalized. There was no way I was having a 3rd abortion, but I knew by this point I didn’t want to be a biological mom.
The boyfriend and I lived together for about another year and a half before we finally split up. Now that I am 40, I recognize that pregnancy for what it was. My last chance to have become a mom. I think about that one differently than my abortion at 20 years old, but I still have no regrets. I know I made the right choice for me and MY body and I’m thankful that I never became a mom due to outside or even internal pressure. Of course I wish that I had never gotten myself into either of those situations, but I’m so thankful that I had safe options that suited my needs as a woman and a human being who is in charge of her own body.
