My 2nd is booked 3 weeks from now

by Anonymous

June 16, 2021

My 2 terminations will be almost exactly 1 year apart. My husband & I have 2 beautiful children. I’m 37. After 2 years unemployment due to Covid I’ve forged a career I love & want to excel in. Despite using protection, somehow it happened once & then again. After the first I went into a deep depression. Despite not regretting our decision, the “what ifs” caused a tidal wave of grief. Who would it have looked like? This second time we have the same reasons as before (my parents are elderly & in need of care, financially it’s too much of a strain, I love my 2 babies & husband too much to add another into the mix) just less of an emotional response. Unless you count the shame. The shame is overwhelming. I can’t tell anyone because I can’t believe I’m here again. I feel stupid. My marriage & 2 children mean too much to me. If we had help & financial freedom I’d be welcoming my 4th child next year, but I need to be realistic, as hard as it is.

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