My 2nd abortion

I had an abortion eight years ago and I am now preparing to have another one. When I was 19, I started dating a 23 year old man. I was a virgin and apparently clueless about safe sex. He always pressured me into having unprotected sex and I gave in because I wanted him to stay with me. I became pregnant and knew right away I didn’t want it. I knew I made the right decision when I went to the doctor alone, when I went home to take my pills alone, and when he never even asked how I was doing. I remained in this toxic relationship for almost a year before learning he had cheated with multiple women. I will never regret that choice.

Now, I am 27 years old and I’m “supposed to be” excited to start a family with my husband of two years (together six years). But my husband cheated on me last year. It has taken a serious toll on my mental and physical health. We are working through a lot of things, and something I’ve made clear to him is I’m nowhere near ready to have his child after what happened. I may never be and we may not be able to fix what he’s broke. We made a mistake last month, and I took PlanB the following day.

Yet here I am, five weeks pregnant. I am absolutely devastated. I wish I felt “normal”. I’m already in a deep depression, I’m anxious, I have PTSD, and I’m not eating or caring for myself. I do not want this pregnancy. My appointment isn’t for another four weeks and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to deal with this for that much longer. He is sad about my decision but is also understanding (as he’s the main cause of all this) and being very supportive. I am very grateful that I am still able to make this choice so I can have a healthy, happy pregnancy and child when I AM ready.