...in life sometimes you’re presented with options that are equally weighing the same and no outcome is better or worse.
I’ve googled my symptoms way too many times.. they all showed I was pregnant, but I wasn’t. My period was late, but I wasn’t bothered too much by it. Just to be sure, I did a pregnancy test at the hospital, which showed I wasn’t pregnant. Great, I was happy and went home thinking I am googling symptoms way too many times. My bad habit had to stop. That same week I got my period. The next month, my breasts started hurting a lot again, I started getting tired, unusually tired, and I got more and more nauseated. At this point I was like: well, similar symptoms like last last time and I still got my period, so I should just wait it out. It was 2 months since I had my period. On a Tuesday afternoon I went to the gynecologist as I had to do a follow up, no ultrasounds involved, and she told me she thinks my period is about to start. However, that did not explain all the symptoms, especially the nausea I was feeling. I couldn’t eat anything. So I decided to cross the street after my appointment with the gynecologist and buy a pregnancy test at the pharmacy. That evening I did not have to wait a single second for those two stripes to show, I was pregnant. Immediately, I called the guy I’m seeing and told him we’re pregnant. So the next morning we went to my gynecologist again and she told us I’m almost 9 weeks along. Great, a baby with the guy I love, but I knew I have been saying I would get an abortion if I ever turned out to be pregnant. So, logically we opt for that.
Because of some long as holidays here in the country I live in, we either had to make an appointment for the surgical abortion for tomorrow or wait a whole damn week, but the longer I waited the more complicated it would get my gyno told me. So we aimed for the next day, it was terrible. I got a panic attack before going into the clinic. I felt rushed and filled with emotions. I wasn’t panicking about the choice of having an abortion, but about the fact that I have had less than 24 hours to process all the emotions I was feeling before the procedure. It took me 40 minutes and a lot of strength from my boyfriend to step in to the clinic. The doctors rushed me too, with the first sentence being: “You’re here for the 02:30 PM appointment? Great, we are preparing the anesthetic.” So fast forward to the moment I finally had the balls to tell the doctor I first need to have a proper talk before I actually lay down and spread my legs. Eventually I decided to still continue with the whole procedure and after I woke up I had no worries anymore, they were all gone, but that’s probably because I was still a bit woozy from the anesthetic. My sad moments had passed only for my boyfriend to break down while holding me. He had it rough too, knowing it’s not the right time for both of us to have kids. It was devastating, but I fully support people choosing to have an abortion. It’s selfish bringing a child into the world when you can’t take care of it and it’s also selfish removing it, interfering with nature, just because you think you can’t take care of it. I have made peace with the fact that in life sometimes you’re presented with options that are equally weighing the same and no outcome is better or worse. You just make peace with one and continue with life. This is what I did and I feel good. I will always wonder what if, but it’s not something that is bothering me, it’s something that I feel is natural to do. I always said I was against the surgical abortions, yet that was the only choice they presented me with. I just didn’t like the procedure, the way they do it makes me feel anxious, yet I did it and so can you!
