I’m a 33 year old woman with a 13 year old son and a partner that I’ve been with for 15 years. To look at me you probably would not think I ever had 1 abortion let alone 2.

My first abortion was when my son was 2; we were in a precarious position as a couple, with very little money and far too much stress. The decision to have an abortion was a simple one for me. I wasn’t heartbroken or sad and I didn’t even feel pregnant. I didn’t want another child and we were certainly in no position to have one. The day of the procedure I went to the hospital as I had gone to the GP and been referred that way. I had chosen the vacuum option. I can’t remember if I was put fully to sleep or if I was just sedated to be honest, but either way, it was fine. We went home and life carried on, I didn’t feel anything really beyond relief.

A few years later I felt like sheer rot and realised that I might be pregnant again. I did a test and I was right. My best friend was newly pregnant too. She was excited, I was not particularly. My partner was pretty knee deep into partying, our son was 6, I was holding everything together by a thread and everything said I should not have this child. And whilst that made absolute sense I admit that there was a small part of me that felt conflicted about the decision this time. I told my partner and his assumption was that I would have an abortion. I went through all the options and I could not see a way that having a baby would work or be OK, for anyone. So I had another abortion. This time I self referred and went to a Marie Stopes clinic, chose vacuum again and this time I know I was simply sedated. They also fitted a coil for me at the same time. When I came round from the sedation in recovery there was a girl crying, so I got up and hugged her. She was young and obviously having a really hard time. We left and went home, my friend dropped off my kid, and then my partner went out. I sat on our bed and cried. The horrendous sickness I had been dealing with had completely disappeared, I felt physically fine, but I was a bit emotionally split. Our son is now 13 and we’re in a really good place. I do not regret either of my abortions. I’m grateful for the easy and free access to the procedure.