I can honestly say I have a great life, 2 beautiful girls, a very supportive husband, and financial stability. But when I got another positive pregnancy test it was nothing like my first two that were planned and deeply wanted – I panicked and immediately didn’t want another baby. I had no good reason besides I didn’t want another child. Over the next week all I did was beg for a miscarriage- and then I decided if that is the way I really feel then I should not be having another baby. Me and my husband had not had sex in almost 2 years- I didn’t want him to touch me while I was pregnant and had no sex drive while breastfeeding. I was having anxiety over everything going on in our world and one night after not sleeping we re-connected and he pulled out before he came – but ya, I should know better that that method doesn’t work.
My husband gave me space to decide what felt right for me, and we talked seriously and decided we were done having children. I opted for taking the pills at home (I could easily obtain these through a Planed Parenthood near me) it wasn’t horrific, cramping and pain, but my husband was with me the whole time. I came out of our bedroom a little groggy but relieved and I hugged my two girls and told them that ‘mommy loves you.’
I am 4 weeks out and still wonder sometimes if it was the right decision, but then I remember my immediate gut reaction and I trust that.
