Mixed emotions

by Anonymous

May 24, 2021

My boyfriend and I had joked before about having a baby and just moving in together and living our lives at the fullest… of course everything changed once that pregnancy test I took at the mall came out positive.. I cried with excitement even though I was this 17 year old girl with one year left of high school. My partner brought the option to have an appointment, it was his first response, and after telling me how things will be from now and after I spent the night at the hospital because I fell really sick with Covid and my health really went down for the next few weeks… the perfect bubble in my head was popped.

I started to read information about abortions online and finally had the courage to make an appointment for the medical pill, it was a Wednesday, my partner had changed his mind and tried talking me out of it which made things more complicated, after a long conversation we got to the clinic one hour late. They didn’t take me in but scheduled me for the next day in the morning which I couldn’t make it. I called to reschedule and make an appointment as soon as possible, at this point I was 8 weeks. It took me a long time to decide what to do with the pregnancy. We went to the “final”appointment  1 week and a half after where I thought it was going to be over, just to find out I was over 10 weeks and couldn’t take the pill anymore.

The pill always sounded like a better option to me, more natural, I didn’t think I would have the courage to have an in-clinic abortion but that was the only option left on the table, that same day they helped set up an appointment at a planned parenthood one hour away from my house two days after.. and so the day came.. on the way there my head was out of the window of the car in the freeway, I couldn’t stop throwing up, I was so nervous and my morning sickness were the worse..

And so it happened.. spent 5 hours at the clinic and felt such a relief but so much pain. Since a really young age I’ve deal with depression and this made me extremely depressed, I felt completely alone and my life had no meaning. Healing is a long process I’m still trying to get through.. so to all my beautiful ladies out there who might relate, there’s someone out there that really loves you and never give up, keep fighting for your dreams and be strong, you are beautiful and you matter.


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