Married, Mother of 2, Intuition

I was married, mother of 2, I wanted 3. The moment we found out we were pregnant with 3 I was happy but then my heart sank. I thought…”OMG. WHAT DID I JUST DO?!?” I was exactly 4 weeks pregnant and got a sinking feeling. I knew I had to terminate. I cried, I was shaking, praying with my husband for a clear answer. I felt like something may have been wrong. I couldn’t take the chance. Why was I feeling this way? What was my intuition trying to say? Was I going to die during pregnancy child-birth? Was my baby going to suffer and die? Was the baby going to have a crazy birth deformity? I don’t know. I still don’t know. Whatever it was…..it didn’t give me the feeling that I could continue to grow it into a baby. It was cells that were forming. It was so small but it mattered so much. Fuck stigmatism and fuck the people that shame ME and YOU for listening to our intuition and trying to do what is right for OUR children and OUR lives.