How will I accept another when I am learning to love myself.
Today is Thursday. I was at the clinic Monday morning and took abortion pills Monday night.
A little piece of me broke down today. I got home from work, lay on my bed and cried.
I’m 26. I don’t know when the right time is. The right time to start a project. The right time to make a change. The right time to be a mom. Is there ever an ideal time? Does a woman ever ACTUALLY know when she is ready?
I took a test. A large pink line grew across the screen. The test results appeared negative.
I threw the tester at him. “You see! It’s negative.!”
A minute later a light pink line grew partnering the first. I tripled checked the directions.
I was pregnant.
My heart skipped a beat and he looked at me with love.
I can’t, I thought. My mouth was shut.
I haven’t done shit with my life. I couldn’t have a child without having done something I am proud of. How will I provide for this child if I can barely provide for myself. How will I accept another when I am learning to love myself.
Having a child might have meant ending up on the street.
I can’t I finally said and lay down in bed.
His arms covered me. I didn’t want him to rub my belly. He who loves me unconditionally. He said he would support any decision I made. I knew deep down he was ready emotionally.
We are both working adults that make ends meet. We live paycheck to paycheck and try as hard as we can.
I couldn’t think of raising a child under two people not in the right mental or financial state.
I made my decision and felt it was right for me. I couldn’t imagine myself having a child, not now.
We all make our decision based on different circumstances. It is our body and our decision. We should have this right.
