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Making my decision

by May

July 26, 2019

Today is Thursday.  I was at the clinic Monday morning and took abortion pills Monday night.

 

A little piece of me broke down today. I got home from work, lay on my bed and cried.

 

I’m 26. I don’t know when the right time is.  The right time to start a project. The right time to make a change.  The right time to be a mom.  Is there ever an ideal time? Does a woman ever ACTUALLY know when she is ready?

 

I took a test. A large pink line grew across the screen. The test results appeared negative.

I threw the tester at him. “You see! It’s negative.!”

A minute later a light pink line grew partnering the first. I tripled checked the directions.

I was pregnant.

 

My heart skipped a beat and he looked at me with love.

I can’t, I thought. My mouth was shut.

I haven’t done shit with my life. I couldn’t have a child without having done something I am proud of. How will I provide for this child if I can barely provide for myself. How will I accept another when I am learning to love myself.

Having a child might have meant ending up on the street.

 

I can’t I finally said and lay down in bed.

 

His arms covered me. I didn’t want him to rub my belly.  He who loves me unconditionally. He said he would support any decision I made.  I knew deep down he was ready emotionally.

 

We are both working adults that make ends meet. We live paycheck to paycheck and try as hard as we can.

 

I couldn’t think of raising a child under two people not in the right mental or financial state.

 

I made my decision and felt it was right for me.  I couldn’t imagine myself having a child, not now.

 

We all make our decision based on different circumstances.  It is our body and our decision.  We should have this right.

 

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!