Looking back

by Anonymous

October 2, 2019

It will be four months since I’ve had an abortion.

I knew from the very moment I found out I’m pregnant that I don’t want to go along with the pregnancy. I’ve never really seen myself as a mother and neither have I ever particularly desired to have children.

I was puzzled whether to tell my husband that I’m pregnant and don’t want to keep it, but I couldn’t imagine keeping it away from him. Little did I know…

Long story short, we’re currently going through divorce, in his book I’m the worst person. I don’t blame him, he’s entitled to his own feelings and I know that even though he tried, he will never understand why did it happen. What made me angry is that he told my family behind my back and it caused my Mom to have a mental breakdown and question my sanity. It took weeks to persuade her I’m not insane and that it was a thought-through decision, though she still doesn’t talk to me the way she used to and despises me.

Losing a marriage is a painful thing for me. However, I’ve realised that it would have ended up that way sooner or later and I’m glad that a child is not a part of it.

I’m very thankful for the friends who support me, I’m extra thankful that I live in an area where there is an access to safe abortions and I’m glad I was able to make a decision.

Yes, I’ve spent a couple of weeks crying and being sad, but it’s because following my heart and gut means I’m losing a person I once thought was everything to me.

Not once have I regretted the decision to have an abortion. It made me realise a lot of things, it made me reevaluate the relationship I had with myself before and how I was always putting others first instead of doing what I wanted to do/what’s best for me. I’ve finally started working towards my dreams and I’m happy.

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