About 24 hours ago, I had an abortion about 10 weeks along. I contemplated the decision for weeks. I found out at 10 weeks pregnant, and fought with my heart and mind for a month and a half before I came to this decision.
I didn’t want to have an abortion, but I knew it was the right choice at the time. I would have been a 26 year old single mom with a long distance, financially unstable and emotionally unavailable father that already has a kid who isn’t even two yet. I am just getting settled in my career, and could not provide a life for a baby that I would want. I knew I could do it. I have a support system but I don’t want to be a burden to the people I love. I have been so sad, there are only few moments where I haven’t cried since it happened.
I went through the procedure thinking I would have been asleep and I wasn’t; I was aware of everything. It was the most traumatic thing I have ever been through but the staff was so nice to me and wiped away my tears while I was getting the procedure. I am not regretting my decision because I know in America the life I would be able to provide, while it may have been full of love, the baby would have had a depressed mother who was broke. I couldn’t give that baby everything they ever wanted and I just couldn’t justify keeping the baby in such an unstable environment. I will grieve this baby until the day I die. I hope it comes back to me. I respect any woman’s right to make this choice, and will always support, but for me this has been the most difficult thing I have ever been through. I hope to be okay someday.
Abortion is right if that is what you chose for yourself, any feelings you may have are valid no matter what. I hope one day I get to the point where I can be at peace with what I chose, just not yet.
