At 29 and 6 weeks along, I was terrified of the possibility of being a single mother and also terrified of getting rid of that possibility too.  I knew either outcome would have regrets.

I thought I always wanted to be a parent, no matter if my partner was around or not, I got this. I went back and forth for 6 weeks, hearing every persons story I could that had gotten an abortion and weighed my options and basically collected as much data as possible to help me come up with the perfect decision. Until I realized that this is MY decision and I should not be basing it off of anyone else’s experiences and opinions but my own, and what my heart was telling me. From being called a murderer, to being called selfish, to being told “oh, you’d make a wonderful mother, it’s the best gift God can give you”, I finally decided to look inward and listen to my heart and to do what was best for me and for the future child I could have had.

I do not regret my decision by any means. Of course I mourned what future outcome this could have been had I decided to carry a child to term, but I also realized that I am not ready to stop living my life on my own terms just yet, nor am I ready to focus my life on someone else just yet either. I know one day it will be my time and when that time comes, I won’t need to gather information from other people whom have had an abortion to see if it’s in fact what I want to go through with. I won’t need to go back and forth wondering if I should go through with it or not. I will know and I will be excited for the endless possibilities that me and my future child will create and go through together. But for now, in this moment, I will love this journey for me that I am on and I will absolutely never look back or feel any shame because I did nothing wrong and I am happy and I am excited for when the perfect moment comes one day.

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