I’ve had so many abortions that I lost track.

From the time I was 18-21, I had so many abortions. I’m thinking somewhere between five to seven  abortions. I feel guilty sometimes, not because of my own conscious, but because I knew if anyone in my life knew how many abortions I’ve had, they probably wouldn’t look at me the same. I guess I feel ashamed because of the way abortion is looked at in the media. To me, it was just healthcare. I wasn’t killing a baby or any of the horrible things that people like to say. I was just trying to do what was best for me and take responsibility for all the mistakes I had made.

I used birth control, condoms, plan b, but I’ve come to realize that I am extremely fertile and I come from a long lineage of women having lots of babies. I have a lot of mental health issues including depression, a dissociative disorder, ptsd, regular panic attacks, etc. On top of that, I already have a daughter, who I love so much and want to give the world to.

I’m not ready for another baby. I don’t want another baby. I would fall apart if I had another baby. I know that my story is important to share because I can’t be the only one who has had several abortions. I wish media would be more gentle and understanding of women who have abortions. I wish people could understand, but truth be told, I didn’t really understand until I went through it myself. I supported abortion rights, but I told people “I could never do it myself”. And then it happened to me. I guess it’s hard to understand something you’ve never been through. I guess the world needs more empathy.