It’s ok to love what could have been

by Mariana

August 10, 2020

We both want to build a family together, and I already have a daughter. When we learnt I was pregnant, our relationship was still very young, and I was a single mom with barely enough money to pay the bills. We know that an abortion was the right choice for us, but still, it was the hardest decision we’ve ever had to make

It’s been 9 months since I had an abortion. I’ve been having nightmares about the due date. I didn’t want it to arrive… But it did. My fiance and I went for a hike that day and honored the date by talking about our experience and our feelings. .

It still hurts, sometimes I regret it. But then I remind myself of the promise we made to each other: We are going to make this worth it. We are going to have a child when we are ready and want to have that child. Our future child is going to have the best of us and they will be wanted and planned for.

I spent these last 9 months grieving, it has been a tough year for us, for so many reasons… I would like to believe that the grieving will stop, but I don’t think it will. I feel like I am the mother of 2 children, but I can only hug one. Something is always missing in my life and I know it is that child, our angel.

It can feel wrong to grief when you chose to have an abortion, but it shouldn’t. You can have control of your life and still wonder and love what could have been. You’re only human. It’s ok.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!