It’s my abortion and I’ll cry if I want to

by Georgina

February 8, 2021

Finding out I was pregnant around Christmas time after a turbulent 2020 was laughable. That’s exactly what I did when I saw the 2 bold lines on the test, I laughed and then my legs buckled beneath me.

How could this happen? I’ve been on contraception for almost 10 years (thanks to my mum and the doctors for putting me on the pill when I had awful nose bleeds at age 14!) My mind raced and as I told my partner he held me and told me that everything would be okay, and no matter what I decided to do he’d be there for me.

I immediately rang the abortion clinic, but an appointment wasn’t available for two and a half weeks. The longest two and a half weeks of my life. Spending days crying over what decision was the best decision, was it right was it wrong? Was I ready? Would I regret it?

When I finally had the appointment it was cemented in my mind. I was going to have a termination. I was scared and anxious and as I was having a medical abortion at home (thanks Covid-19) I scared myself more by trying to look up other peoples experiences and coming across horror stories galore.

My google search history looks a little like:

“What is it actually like?”

“How much does it hurt?”

“Is there any other way?”

I got the pills on Wednesday the 13th of January, but due to living back at home because of the pandemic, and my parents not even being aware this was happening let alone I was pregnant I wasn’t able to start the treatment until yesterday, the 17th of January.

I took the first pill at 6am, and nothing — I went about my day as you would normally, and fell asleep around 11pm, nervous for what was to come.

Today at 9am I took the second dose, and lay on my bed, I didn’t expect anything to happen for a while until around half an hour later I felt the cramps begin. They were painful. But with painkillers they were manageable. Then came the nausea, “I’m fine!” I said to my partner before throwing up in the bowl I’d luckily placed next to my bed. The cramps subdued and when I went to the toilet the bleeding had began.

I was shocked because it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be (or had read it to be) the third set of pills came at around 1pm, speeding up the process, yet by this point I felt more relaxed as though my body was telling me “the worst is over, you’re on the home straight now!”

It’s been 6 hours since those last pills, and the bleeding continues, but nothing that a maxi pad can’t help with. I continue to take painkillers, mainly for the few aches that I have now and again.

Having an abortion was one of the scariest decisions I’ve made, and one I didn’t think I’d ever make.

My stomach aches, my throat burns and I’m exhausted but it’s all worth it for the feeling of relief I have.

I’m sure I’ll be a mother one day, but not right now. I’m not ready and that’s okay. It was unplanned and that is also okay. Having an abortion is more than okay.

The only thing I wish I could do is go back a few days in time and tell myself not to overthink everything, and trust in yourself always.

This is my abortion, and I’m owning it!

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