It’s Been 5 Years & I Still Cry

by Anonymous

October 9, 2020

When I had my abortion I was 21 years old. Even though I have always felt the desire to nurture and be a mother one day, I wasn’t ready and neither was my partner. In retrospect, he was supportive but also made me feel like I had no other choice. He made me feel that in the event of keeping it, he wouldn’t be okay and said it would “ruin his life”.

He abandoned me immediately after the procedure and even made it explicitly clear not to contact him anymore. My own boyfriend.

I felt helplessly alone, hysterical, and completely devastated.

I still get emotional about it from time to time and my reproductive system has still not recovered. I don’t think it’ll ever be the same again.

Some months ago, a mutual friend made light of my trauma and it wasn’t until recently that I finally told this person how it made me feel. They responded with the most passive-aggressive, backhanded, insincere apology. Stating “that was 5 years ago and I thought that hatchet was buried.”

Everyone experiences trauma and grief in different ways throughout their lives. I’m not going to tolerate anybody insinuating that I should be over it by now. My abortion is something I will ALWAYS think about and for me personally, it will always fill me up with a certain sadness and that is okay.


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