I’ve been seeing a lot of pro-choice people defending abortion access, and I’m so grateful for their voices, but so many say things like “nobody takes it lightly” or “it’s not an easy decision”
And for me, it was. It was easier than choosing what to eat most nights.
I knew I didn’t want children. I knew I didn’t want to give birth. I knew I’d found a partner who also didn’t want to be a parent. So when I’d had an upset stomach for 2 weeks and my breasts were sore, and I was sitting in my bathroom waiting for the stick to say yay or nay, I already knew that I would have an abortion.
I walked into the living room where my boyfriend was playing video games after a day spent at his mother’s, and I said “I’m knocked up”, very matter-of-factly. He turned off the game, gave me a hug, and said “let me know when the appointment is, I’ll take the day off work.” I said “will do”. We watched a movie, had a beer, and I called the clinic the next day.
We got there and had to buzz in, which made me sad, that there has to be security measures at a healthcare facility. I filled out some forms, I spoke to a counsellor, just to make sure I knew my options, which I did. They talked to me about alternative birth control options. I signed the consent.
I was brought into a procedure room, they gave me a pad and said to put it in my underwear, and my underwear in a little bag that they hung on the side of the table. The doctor talked to me, explained what would happen. I don’t remember the details, but basically that they would give me IV painkillers, laughing gas, numb the cervix, insert the cannula, that I’d hear the machine, but that I shouldn’t feel anything. They did an ultrasound that I didn’t have to see. I asked how far along I was, they said 8 weeks.
They gave me the meds, and I remember looking up at the ceiling that had a map of the world on it. Legs in stirrups, butt to the edge, nothing new for any person who has had a Pap smear.
Then, I don’t remember a thing, I guess I passed out from the gas. The nurses helped me up from the table, I don’t remember putting my underwear back on, but I did, and was moved to a recovery bed. My boyfriend was brought in, poor guy, he spent all that time in the waiting room, I’m not even sure how much time. He held my hand and I smiled at him and thanked him for being amazing. I was a little bit crampy for about half an hour.
About an hour later, I was back in the car, getting Dairy Queen with my perfect man, and we spent the night cuddling. I fell asleep that night peacefully, full of relief and gratitude for the amazing people at that clinic, my perfect boyfriend, and that I live somewhere that I could make that choice so easily.
