It wasn’t a hard decision

by L

April 11, 2019

Everyone says that it’s a hard choice to make.


Not me. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew I was aborting. It wasn’t a hard choice to make at all. It was super easy and once the appointment was made, I was giddy and excited to get back to my life.


It was 2004, in Connecticut. I was with this guy that I had been dating for about six months. We got drunk, forgot protection. No dramatic story. Just stupidity getting the best of us.


I showed up at the clinic and these protestors were shouting at me. Once even had a vest that said “escort” and she approached me and said “who’s the mom?” I raised my hand, not thinking twice about her wording. She then told me to hold her hand and I thought I was being led to the door. Instead, she tried to pray and force me on my knees for forgiveness. I ran towards the door after that, security buzzing me through after a pat down and metal detector.


They had us wait about an hour in the waiting room, filing out paperwork, doing blood tests, urine tests, ultrasounds and then sending me back to the waiting room. Finally, I was brought upstairs and sedated. I remember hearing the vacuum noise and seeing the motivational poster above my head.


Then they rolled me back to recovery, which was a nice recliner, in a room with about 20 other women. I was so happy! I got Ginger ale and these delicious butter crackers. I was telling the lady next to me how happy I was that I was no longer pregnant. She told me this was her third abortion and, in her drug induced state, she told me about her abusive partner. I don’t even remember the color of her skin or hair, but I remember she existed.


The lady across from me was crying. She had wanted her baby, but it didn’t have a heartbeat. I had brought my Teddy bear with me and let her hold him for a little bit. She stopped crying. I just remember the nurse yelling at me to sit down, so I sat on the floor. When I said earlier up, there was a smear of blood.


I’ve never been so happy to see blood coming out of my vagina before. It meant that I was not pregnant. I welcomed it. I went to the bathroom and smelled it and touched it. That blood was the most amazing thing to me.


It’s been 15 years. I work in l&d now and I have a daughter.



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