It was so hard but I was left with no options

by Anonymous

August 11, 2021

My situation hopefully will help someone else faced with a difficult situation.

Since COVID, I have been overseas. I got pregnant unexpectedly, and at first I was really happy. I soon realized I was in a predicament. If I was to go through with my pregnancy, it would mean that I would soon legally need to return to my country (where abortion is legal and has proper medical care and support), and not be able to bring my child, as due to COVID backlogging everything and not being able to be vaccinated here while pregnant, the process of legally bringing my baby back would take a minimum of 3 years, and legally, I needed to leave in 11 months, and no option to leave currently. This means I would need to abandon an infant.

I investigated every possibility to bring my child back with me, but the legal process was very clear, and the 3 years was a minimum estimate provided by my government.

I am currently in a country where abortion is illegal except in the case of the mother’s life being at risk, and the city is in lockdown- no exceptions, so no chance of being able to get to the embassy to do any proper paperwork, as the roads have police enforced check stops and there is no public intercity travel (a very restrictive life during these times).

I tried to find any means of help in the country, but after being warned of a 5 year prison sentence, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to do anything about the situation legally either way, keeping or losing it.

I reached out to WomenhelpWomen, and even then, access to medication is limited with customs, shipping and access to post. Pharmacies no longer carried it due to the government discovering women carrying out safe abortions when purchasing it. Hospitals only had it.

We had to track down legitimate medication through people who knew people, which was difficult. After finally obtaining the medication, I contacted WHW and received support on how to use the medication safely.

I was terrified that something would go wrong and I would need to turn up at the hospital which also carried risks (not a democratic country- women’s rights are next to non-existent here).

After a day of staring at the pills, fighting with myself and working up the courage, I had to go ahead with the process. Only being able to access a combination Misoprostol/diclofenac in a limited amount, I was expecting the worst. When I started to bleed and saw my baby leave, I felt sadness and anger about having to make such a difficult decision, knowing that external governing bodies had removed my ability to choose for myself.

I do not regret the decision I made, as I know it was only made because external governing bodies had created a system, and were unable to maintain it during a pandemic, which created a situation I had no control over. I know if I had other options, I would have kept my baby.


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