I was a bit careless the first time and ended up pregnant, the second time I was on the pill but still ended up pregnant. I had a D&C abortion both times when I was aged 21 and 22.
I loved children but I didn’t want any. It sounds terrible but I couldn’t fathom having a child then.
I started seeing someone at 23 and I got pregnant again. I was perplexed on what to do I’d started weirdly developing feelings for the child growing in me.
I went to a hospital for the preliminary tests to confirm my pregnancy before having to make any decisions.
I got my blood drawn for a blood test and took a pee test, as I waited for the results I got lead in for a normal ultrasound that took a while then I was told I needed a more invasive ultrasound, an internal ultrasound. I was just 6 weeks exactly 42 days. I’d done these before but this was unusual and took a longer time, about 20 minutes in total as opposed to less than 5 minutes on previous occasions and was slightly painful.
The doctor moved the probe to different sides and asked me which was more painful. I felt a sharp pain whenever the probe was moved to the left side.
More doctors came into the room and whispered among themselves.
When it was finally over, my tests had been delivered and I was taken to go meet my doctor, there were now two other doctors in the room.
The head doctor began the process of explaining that yes I was pregnant but the baby was in my Fallopian tube.
I remember freezing in time as the shock overcame me. I’d heard about it before but never in-depth.
I held my stomach as I digested the information being given to me, as I was told I’d need an operation.
I loved the baby, it was difficult to comprehend. I texted my partner to come down to the hospital as I was told I was in danger and needed the operation immediately. There was no other option available I was told.
And so I had my surgery less than 4 hours after first being diagnosed. I didn’t have time for anything. It was out of my hands.
I had a laparoscopic keyhole operation to remove the fetus. My tube was saved because it hadn’t burst yet.
It’s been a journey these past three years and although I didn’t regret the last two decisions this one hit me hard as my choice was taken from me and I did want to keep the baby.
I’m still struggling with the emotional turmoil of it all.
Oh well. I hope I get the chance to have another baby as this has shown me I’m now ready for one.
