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It Gets Better

by Jojo

November 9, 2018

Content Warning: verbal, emotional, & physical abuse

*this took place in 2012. My family is somewhat conservative, but not as much as one would think.*

Your family is supposed to be your number one support system, through thick and thin. Unfortunately, my family almost pushed me to the edge of darkness and to the point of no return. I was 17 years old and weeks away from graduating high school. While my friends walked the stage hungover/ drunk, I walked across it pregnant. My boyfriend disregarded my feelings the entire time, and my mom strongly encouraged me to get one. I wanted to get one too. Because what else is a 17 year old girl supposed to do when she feels abandoned by her only support system? I was in so much denial, I made some terrible choices and I feared my baby wouldn’t make it. The only reason I told my mom was because I needed her consent in order to get it. She acted like she cared, but you could tell how much she resented me.

It was a terrifying experience walking up to planned parenthood, with my mother shielding me from protesters who carried nasty signs. After I went through it, I was in a very vulnerable place. Even my so called best friend demanded that I kept the baby. That she would help me raise them, even though she would blow cigarette smoke in my face, as I begged her not to. Why do people think they can dictate your life, your body, when it has nothing to do with them? Then my 15 year old sister somehow found my medication that i thought i hid well. Instead of confronting me she hid my paperwork and pain killers in my brother’s room, in hopes he’d find it and tell my dad. Not even a week after it happened, I started receiving terrible text messages from a blocked number. I knew it was her. For the next six months she would text me almost 5x a day telling me how I deserved to die like I killed my child, how I deserved to never find happiness and how I deserved to have miscarriages for the rest of my life.

She quickly recruited her best friend and boyfriend to text me. All three of them telling me I was better off dead, every single day. I recently moved to my dorm for my freshman year of college. I had never felt so alone. I told my mom as soon as it started happening. I thought my mom was understanding enough to defend me. Her response? Well it is your fault for not being responsible and getting pregnant. And proceeded to tell me how I should’ve hid everything better. My sister never got in trouble. It made me sick to my stomach because it was a reflection of who my mom really was.

Seven years later and I’m finally in a good place. Yet, there’s a reason I still hate my sister. Every time I see her, I can’t help but feel anger, even to this day. I don’t regret my choice though. I would do it all over again if I had the opportunity. My ex boyfriend was super manipulative and physically/ emotionally abusive. I would never want to risk my child going through the same situations I did, if I was still in that relationship. My abortion has made me a much stronger person and I’m grateful for that. It’s just disappointing how I came from a family who tore me down at my weakest point. Women should be supporting other women. My sister never did apologize, but one day I hope she reads this and understands the pain she caused me. I hope she does feel guilty at one point and realizes how close I was to making her wish come true. But I’m never going to let another person bring me down again. Blood isn’t always thicker than water. If you know someone going through the same thing, reach out. Because any support system is better than suffering alone.

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