A mom to a toddler, in a struggling marriage. My abortion was two days ago, I think it might have broke me. I did want another baby. I also knew I refused to bring another child into a situation that was unstable. I wanted my baby, I did. I cried and ponder the decision for weeks. I went back and forth for week. I arrived at the clinic and the entire time I just kept telling myself this is the least selfish thing. You are doing the right thing. I had the IV medication and when the procedure was nearly finished I just sobbed, uncontrollably sobbed. I felt nothing and everything. I slept for well over 12 hours following and experienced cramping for a day or two after. I have periods of knowing I did the right thing. I also have periods of wanting to disappear.
I feel alone, tired, and full of self – hate. I stay strong for my baby. Looking at her makes me feel like I failed, despite my best attempts my marriage is failing, and I’m failing her. I don’t want to break her, she’s so full of life, smart and beautiful.
Overall, I can’t say I fully regret because I knew I wasn’t ready to be a single mom to a toddler and a newborn and i’d be setting up all of our lives for complete and utter disaster. I want to talk to someone about it I just know that no one will understand. I want it to stop aching. Thank you for letting me share.
