I’m so sorry that I wasn’t strong enough

by Anonymous

September 10, 2019

To my baby,

I was not able to carry you to full term. I delayed having the abortion 2 times walking into PP. When I saw you on the ultrasound at 6 weeks and 2 days I cried instantly. I was very depressed ever since I found out the news. I knew that me and your father were not financially able to give you the best life that you deserve. I lost my job, your father was not making enough to support us both.  My body was physically hurting since I’ve always had a small frame and underweight. I tried eating more but felt sick all the time. I was extremely depressed because I wanted to be stronger to love you physically someday. My body is not strong enough for you. I was having extreme lower back pain in the first trimester, acid reflux and it didn’t seem normal. Medication given to me by the Ob was not helping. I could barely handle walking for short periods, breathing issues arose. Before I knew I  was pregnant, I was given medication that is known to cause birth defects. I didn’t want you to suffer through life. I’m so sorry that I chose this option. I felt it was the best decision for us.  I wanted the best for you but I failed you as a mother. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to have a child after this.

I love you and I will always think about you.

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