In this image you’ll see the sweatshirt i wore during my procedure. You’d think that a piece of clothing wouldn’t mean anything to someone. But I cant bring myself to get rid of it. It reminds me of my strength and what I endured at such a young age. I had just turned 16 and found out I was pregnant from a guy, who was 19, who is now my fiance, but at the time I had only known him for 3 months. I was terrified. The thought of bringing a child into this world when my world was so broken. See, I grew up in an extremely toxic unhealthy household. Granted I tried to never be home, but the home was so unfit to bring a child into. My parents at the time were alcoholics. The home was very unkept to say the least and the fighting and verbal abuse was toxic for a 16 year old. So imagine bringing a child into that.
Adoption seemed out of the question and was never even an option that crossed my mind. I grew up with absent parents so thinking of giving my child to the foster system felt so wrong to me. I knew what was right for me. I ducked up my pride and told my mom. She was furious with me. Which I don’t know why considering she let me run wild since I was 12 years old with no education on sex or birth control. She acted like I knew better. She told me to never tell my father. And still to this day he doesn’t know. We made the appointment and as we parked the car to go in we got rampaged by 3 pro life protesters at our car window screaming at us! Just then my dad calls my phone to see where we were. (He thought we were out at lunch.) I ignored his call. My mom would later call him while we were inside. My mom pushed them away and we exited the car. She made a run for the door but I was in such a state of shock I just stared at these protesters’ faces and slowly walked towards the building. I can still remember the things they screamed at me. The awful things they said. They still haunt me. As I almost got to the building a woman grabbed my arm and said “angel you don’t have to do this!” I ripped my rm from her and spat at the ground. The rage building up inside as I came to my senses. I looked up at her and said ” I’m no fucking angel!” And walked in.
I thought ok the hard part is over. I went through the initial process and the staff was so sweet and kind. They asked me questions and made sure this was what was right for me. There I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. As I was prepped for surgery a nurse came to my bed side to explain the procedure to me. Now this is where people get things twisted. They think people go in for an abortion like getting a strep test. Like it’s in and out no issues. No. That’s not the case. It was traumatic for me. It was painful for me. It was emotionally and physically draining for months after for me. I didn’t get an abortion as a means for birth control. This isn’t a walk in the park procedure.
As I was prepped I was given a local anesthetic in my cervix to help with the pain. But, I forgot to tell my Dr. that I’m a natural red head. (Redheads don’t take anesthesia well, most of the time we need higher doses) so it didn’t work. I felt everything. The pain was excruciating. But my nurse was there to try to get my mind off of it. She asked me about my family. About my siblings and school. I tried to look at her; and this where the sweatshirt comes into play, and smelled and chewed on my sweatshirt. It felt like an eternity. When it was over I was taken to recovery and then went home.
When I finally went back to school, my school had a silence for life day going on, for prolife people protesting abortions. Here I am recovering and this is being thrown in my face at the same time. I felt defeated and questioned my choices. I am now 28 years old. I have 2 beautiful girls with my fiance and we will both tell you that that was absolutely the right choice for us, because if we had carried that pregnancy we probably wouldn’t have stayed together and we wouldn’t have the children we have today and I wouldn’t change them for the world. I made the choice that was right for ME! and someone can choose different. And thats ok!! That’s the whole point. You know your body and you know your life better than any one else and no one should be dictating that. I still stand for more sex education and more free or affordable birth control for our women. So that they don’t have to go through that pain. If pro lifers really wanted to save children then they should fight for those same things. Prevention is key. I’ll never regret what I did
