I’m on my sixth abortion. I’m 36.

by Amelia

August 26, 2020

I should start by saying, I’ve been on a lot of contraceptives, from pills to injections, coils and implants. I bleed on all of them. I had to stop because I was so anaemic it made me really sick. So these stories are hard for me.

I had my first abortion 14 years ago. I had no idea what to do. Back then, you booked in with a nurse at a family clinic and, where I lived you also needed a support person. There was no pill. It was surgical. It cost $400 and you were forced to see a counselor who made you think about what you were doing. It didn’t help. It was awkward and intrusive-especially as the bf at the time was horrible and cheating on me. I just wanted it over.

My mum found out and we cried together. Turns out she’d had 3.

A few years later, another bf… We fought a lot. The week after he broke up with me, I found out again I was pregnant. This time I called a different clinic who had the pills this round… And it was $450. I told him and he refused to believe it was his so I paid it myself. This clinic was pretty upper class so no questions were asked, I was in and out quickly.

A few more years later… I went on holiday to the place I live now. While here, I had a little holiday romance. When I came back to live 4 weeks later, I knew no one, and this guy was long gone. I had to essentially ask a friend I’d just met to be my support person. It was horrible . I don’t remember being so embarrassed in my life, but also had no idea it was illegal in the state so I needed to get a psychological test too before proceeding. Again, I took the pill. The bleeding lasted 6 months because this time, they put in the Implanon rod. I became anaemic and had to have it taken out.

I met my ex bf around then. I loved him a lot but he was always away. After 2 years I became pregnant. He’d just broken up with me so I couldn’t keep it. So I got an abortion. That was hard because I loved him.

Two years later I was dating a new guy. Turned out he was an alcoholic. Same story, got pregnant, couldn’t keep it. This time, something went wrong. The pill didn’t do all the work and I started bleeding excessively. For weeks. To a point it was pouring out… I went into emergency DC at the hospital and had an operation. After this, I had a contraceptive injection. I bleed again, for 6 mths straight. I didn’t get another injection. I promised myself never again. I couldn’t. This time doctors were turning me away, looking at me like I was disgusting. A local doctor I knew literally kicked me out. Another told me it was against her religion. Another doctor told me off about not using contraceptives. It was one of the hardest things I’ll ever do, was getting past that. I was lucky enough in the end to find a nurse who made it all better. I cried so much that day. I was so tired.

The recent one… Now… Was a one night stand. One I didn’t want to have and I have no idea why I did. I was so CAREFUL too… You have no idea. I got the morning after pill the next day first thing JUST in case. Now I’m late.

There’s not enough of these stories on the internet. No one talks about it. It’s taboo. It’s one of the most traumatic things you’ll ever do and not because it’s a baby… It’s PAINFUL… and the stigma and social humiliation you suffer is like a knife to the heart. Doctors told me I’d slow down… Instead, my body is healthier than ever, pregnant at the drop of a hat. Contraceptives are not an option.. and sometimes condoms just don’t happen, and when they do, there’s no promise they won’t break or that your contraceptive will work.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!