I’m not ashamed.

by Melissa

May 29, 2019

Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a pretty indecisive person. It takes me longer than I’d like to admit to decide simple things like what jacket to wear. Or where to sit at a restaurant. Or what music to listen to on a car ride. I annoy myself on a regular basis because I can’t just make up my mind already.

But two years ago when I discovered I was pregnant, I knew with intense certainty that I wanted to have an abortion. No lengthy inner-monologue. No back-and-forth between various options. I knew what I wanted to do, and I knew it immediately.

My situation was not a bad one. I had not been raped. I was not in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. I was not “too young” (I was 29). I was just… not ready. I did not want to become a mother. I was in love with my life as it was in that moment, and in love with the path that I’d worked so hard to find. I knew that having an abortion was an option that was available to me. I made an appointment right away.

My mind was flooded with questions. Would it hurt? How badly? What would it feel like? Would I be compromising my ability to have children in the future? What do they actually do during the procedure? How long would it take for my body to recover? What should I tell my job when I tell them I need to take a sick day two weeks from now?

I was scared. Terrified, actually. I told no one except my sexual partner and a close childhood friend with whom I knew I could speak candidly about my situation.

But I never felt a shadow of a doubt. Not once. Never felt ashamed. Never felt like I was doing something “wrong”.

I felt thankful.
Incredibly relieved.

I’ve pondered what my life might look like if I’d made a different decision, sure. But I never had one single moment of regret. Still don’t.

So why am I sharing this?
I’m sharing this because the most recent attacks on women’s healthcare have left me feeling hurt and powerless, and speaking openly about my experience makes me feel less powerless somehow.

I’m sharing this because I know exactly how lucky I am to have been so empowered to make that decision.

I’m sharing this because I feel the need to express why these recent attacks on women’s rights feels so personally hurtful to me.

I’m sharing this because abortion should be normalized. Not stigmatized. Not illegalized. And because now is not the time to fall silent. Now is the time to speak up.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!