Deciding to terminate is not an easy decision. Personally, I did not find relief in having an abortion; rather struggle with guilt, grief and regret constantly and I feel like I lost a part of myself. There was so much uncertainty about whether I was in a financial position to raise a child, whether the father would be involved and if I could give it the life it deserved. I researched single parent payments and if that would cover raising the child as well as living expenses and didn’t think it would be feasible and thought that the financial stress would be detrimental to my mental health. I placed way too much weight on how it would impact the father financially and mentally and was made to feel selfish if I brought it into the world when I wasn’t in a stable relationship with the father and would have to rely on him to financially support us before I returned back to work. However, all the uncertainty seems trivial now and I now realise that I would have been more than capable of raising a child.
I struggle with opening up about my feelings to my loved ones because they are so insensitive and think that it was a good decision because it wasn’t under ideal circumstances or I’m meant to feel like that I don’t deserve to grieve because I made the decision to give up on motherhood like it was something I didn’t give any second thought to.
I am finding journaling helpful and I am so grateful for this page for hearing other people’s experiences and thought processes are similar to mine and that I am not alone.
Sending my love to everyone grieving/ suffering in silence or trying to figure out whether you are making the right decision💕 please do not invalidate your feelings.
