I want children. I really do. So my first abortion was one of the most difficult things I had to do for myself and future family. I got pregnant in April/May of 2023. My abortion was in late May and was such a traumatic but worth it experience. My baby would have been born around Christmas. The holidays have been so emotional for me because I would have my first born but I know that a child can’t live on just love. Im financially, mentally, and physically unfit for a child. I had support from the friends I told but for the most part my partner and I kept it quiet due to harsh views of family. Ever since, my partner and I have been far safer during sex, trying to avoid this situation arising. I don’t want to go on birth control because of how badly it can affect the body and can possibly harm future fertility.
I recently got pregnant again. Around the time my baby would have been born. It was a slap in the face, I’m about three weeks right now. I noticed the signs and have had sore breasts the last two weeks. My dog has also been actively laying on my belly and has been super protective of me almost like she knew something wasn’t right. This threw a flag at me as my period was supposed to start a few days ago but hadn’t. My last pregnancy I got symptoms earlier (morning sickness, breast tenderness, cravings) than most women do so I assume my hcg levels increased faster than most women. My partner and I took multiple tests yesterday and they all were positive. We had a feeling I was and were already preparing for it but wanted to be sure as this wasn’t something we wanted to ever go through again.
We were lucky enough to have remembered the site plancpills.org, a safe website we used to find medication the last time. Our pills are on their way now and I’m going to be waiting til around the 5th/6th week (I’m about 3 weeks now) to take them when my morning sickness starts up just to ensure that there are no major signs of an ectopic pregnancy (I heard the 5th week is typically when signs of it start to show) and this abortion will be successful and safe for me. I’m grateful for all the support my partner has shown me. We’re keeping this pregnancy quiet from everyone, not just our family this time. While I can’t read the future, I have a strong feeling this time won’t be as difficult as the first, but will still impact me just as hard mentally. Not to mention I just can’t stop thinking about the first one. I loved that baby. I wish I could have supported it, but I couldn’t and am grateful I did what I did. I’m hopeful for the time after this, as my birthday is in a month. I’m hopeful for two beautiful children in a few years with my partner. I’m grateful we’ll be their parents and will be able to give them the support our families couldn’t give us if they ever have to go through something like this.
Abortion isn’t just terminating a pregnancy. It’s providing aid to the future of yourself and if you want them, the future of your children. I’m grateful for the future I can give myself and my future kids. And if it means I have to go through something so difficult to do it, I would and I will a million times over.
