I’m done bringing lives into this world

I was 39 years old, already a mother of 3. I had two children from a previous marriage, and then got engaged and quickly became pregnant with a third child. My youngest was not even one year old when I found out I was pregnant again with baby #4. This was unplanned and my relationship had recently become physically and emotionally abusive. I was already coerced into having my third child and did not want that to happen again and become anchored down even more, to the person who hurt me. I decided that I’m done bringing lives into this world, and would not do so with an abusive partner. I suffered in silence and went through the abortion alone, afraid to tell a soul. I wept as I did the calculations as to how old the baby was and when my due month would be. I cried tears of sorrow for not continuing this pregnancy. I started crying during the ultrasound and I apologized to the nurse. She looked at me and said “it’s ok, we know you may cry”. I allowed myself to grieve for what could have been. I allowed myself to grieve while putting myself first. I allowed myself some compassion and knew this was not an easy thing to do alone. Today I am thankful for the access to a safe abortion. I grieve for the women who do not have access to a safe abortion. Thank you for letting me share my story.