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I’m about to have my third.

by r

March 13, 2019

I had just separated from my husband. I was 24 and I had one and a half year old. My husband was a liar and cheater and I left him. I had no schooling because I relied solely on my military husband and we married young and had a baby girl young.

I met some guy at a bar and started up a kind of relationship with him after a month or two of knowing him I found out I was pregnant and I could not believe it. But he knew. It’s like he knew the day and everything it happened and never told me. Like he had it planned. He was older and wanted kids immediately and since he met me and thought I was “the one” but I did not feel the same about him. He at least supported my decision to have an abortion and drove me 2 hours and paid for it. I was 5 weeks and 6 days. I had to wait a long time in the waiting room and bawled my eyes out the whole time but I knew it was something I HAD to do even though he was telling me we can leave at anytime and make things work. I didn’t want to just “make things work” I wanted to continue my plan. I was terrified. I didn’t know much about abortions just the horror stories I read online. I had a surgical abortion and I felt nothing but comfort and care from the staff and doctors and once it was over I felt nothing but relief after it was over. The procedure itself was easy. The staff held my hand and talked to me through it even though the drugs and anxiety meds made me feel funny. I had some bad cramping about 30 minutes after so I just took some Tylenol in the car and fell asleep the way home. A week or less I told that guy I no longer wanted anything to do with him. After having him stalk me a bit, and having to block his number. He finally got the message.

 

My second abortion, one year later, I was dating this guy I worked at a restaurant with. He was beautiful but he was not my type and I mainly just liked him for his looks. He was super model hot. We dated almost a year and I found out I was pregnant. I told him I was having an abortion. I was  in school, I knew I would never want to marry this guy, we were both servers at a restaurant trying to get by. He begged me not to. He had his millionaire sister try to offer to buy this cell inside me. Or tell me he would keep the baby himself and raise it even though he was depressed and suicidal. In the end I told him I miscarried to get him off my back and stop telling people about the choice I wanted to make, and to stop making me feel ashamed about it but I really had my best friend drive me two hours to that same clinic and I was 4 weeks and 6 days and they recommended I get the medical abortion pill because it was pretty early for a surgical. I sat there and googled everything possible about the medical abortion pill and just saw terrible stories and only a few positive. I was scared out of my mind and still upset I was going through this again but I knew what I wanted for my daughter and myself in the future and a child with someone who had no future was not it. I went home, the next day took the pills along with the pain meds and anti nausea meds they give you and it just made me sleepy so I slept. I had my heating blanket and Netflix and it wasn’t painful at ALL. I didn’t bleed a lot, I didn’t see anything, mainly because I didn’t look, but it was a breeze and I got to do it in the comfort of my own home. Later me and that guy broke up and it couldn’t have been a better decision.

 

I now have a man in my life who seemed perfect.  Everything I ever wanted. After a year and 3 months of dating I found out I was pregnant 6 months ago and he was so happy and so was his mother. We told my family and then I miscarried a few days later. I was 6ish weeks. It broke him. He bought a new construction home for me and my daughter and after that, he seemed to change. Things seemed more controlling, I can’t have a life outside of him. I couldn’t have friends. I always had to be by his side. Our personalities became opposite. I was fun, outgoing, lived for being spontaneous and friends. He had no friends, he didn’t like doing what I did anymore. I had to get rid of my Great Dane before moving into his new home,  lost my best friend, I wasn’t able to be the person who he met anymore. He is 22, and never been in a relationship before. I was his first. I can see why he was so clingy and dependent on me but I’m the opposite and he never showed this side of him until now. Things got rocky, he broke up with me despite me trying to work through things, I moved out, we talked again and were working through things. I became pregnant again and now I’m 6 weeks and 6 days. At first I was excited and happy until I told him and he was devastated. I couldn’t believe it because this is all he wanted was a family. He was trying to get orders to Europe and us to with him and me being pregnant would hurt the chances of that he said. He said we weren’t  in the best place and he wants US only in the picture as of right now, not even my daughter. He become so overwhelmed by her now because he just wants ME all to himself and when she’s trying there, she needs me so he can’t have me the whole time. I was shocked. Like where is this coming  from? Before he was fine, but now he’s so jealous of my daughter too? First my friends now this? After that I started seeing again what made me not want to be with him. I think he has serious bipolar issues, insecurity issues, he became full blown crazy to me and I would never be able to have the life I really wanted with him. I would be trapped. It was a lot of thinking and because of the holidays I’m not scheduled for my abortion til January 4th. I’m nervous and scared again and feel pretty bad.

But the thing is, I never felt guilt or regret. I was scared out of my mind and sad but once it was done, I only felt relief and happiness that I didn’t haven’t on be tied down by these men and a baby. That I can have a life. The life I want for me and my daughter. The life we deserve.

 

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