I’m 31 and my mom still doesn’t know

I had an abortion in my 20’s and never told my mom about it. I’ve never once regretted it and actually felt physically amazing afterword. My mom, however, is openly opposed to abortion. Recently (I’m in my 30’s) I decided to open up to her and tell her I was afraid I might be pregnant (for a second time) she told me I “better get ready…” I said, “For what? I wouldn’t actually have it” she was appalled. I said; “seriously, if I have a kid I might kill myself. I’m bipolar”  Then she attempted to lecture me and give me some quick misleading and untrue facts about abortion. I told her; “mom, it’s either me, or this hypothetical jelly bean in my belly” she didn’t answer. She wouldn’t choose me.