On May 20th this year, I found out I was pregnant.
I am only 19 years old coming along to 20 this month in June and the thought of me being pregnant, I suddenly started thinking about my life being changed forever.
My boyfriend who got me pregnant, didn’t want a child, and was very adamant that I should get an abortion. When I found out I was pregnant I rang him up, told him it was positive and all he could say was “you know what I want? I do not want to be raising a child I’m too young! It’s too much responsibility to look after a child” I was in disappointment since I wanted his response to be more understanding, or that he’d be supportive no matter what I chose, but that wasn’t the case.
Telling my parents was another issue, for one, my own mother was a horrible alcoholic and could never be trusted if she were to look after my baby. And for my dad, he was also an alcoholic, but very old fashioned and didn’t like the idea of his daughter being pregnant at 19 with her whole life ahead of her. My mother became drunk almost every night after I told her the news, and it grew stress on me that it wouldn’t be healthy for me to go along with this pregnancy when I had enough drama from her alcoholic ways anyway. For my dad, he told me if I went along with keeping this baby, I would have to move out and find my own place, and by the looks of my boyfriend, I’d be a single mother without his help.
So combining all of this which happened when my pregnancy came out. It became very clear to me that I wouldn’t be supported by my parents, or boyfriend. I’d be completely on my own and the thought of raising my baby without help, not having a clue how to bring up a child let alone doing it as a single mother, I’d find it incredibly difficult for me.
My career path would also stop because I’d have to be at home looking after a baby which then means I wouldn’t have any income to support my child. And hence because I live in Britain, I’d be on something called “benefits” for a long period of time by the government (and let me say, it’s not a lot of money).
I had so much planning ahead for my future to go on fun trips or buy my first car! It became hard for me to decide if I wanted the life of building my career path or raising a child but knowing it would be financially and emotionally hard.
I did come to the decision that I would go along with the abortion. As I sat down and looked at the first pill I’d take before changing my life I knew it was the best thing for me at being just 19. It’s still early days for me to cope emotionally, I do wonder what could of been if I went along with the pregnancy. But having alcoholic parents, a partner that would leave me as a single mother to fend for myself with a baby, plus being jobless, I knew I didn’t want that life for myself or for a young child who would have a mother struggle and not have a father in their life.
I keep telling myself that I’m not alone, and other women have gone through this and their lives have turned out amazingly all because of their own personal decision to have their abortions. So I know when I get older and I have my own children when I’m financially ready, and with a partner who wants kids as much as I do, then I’ll look back and say “I’m glad I made that choice, and I was given the right to do so”.
